No one could ever really understand anxiety unless they’ve experienced it for themselves. Although the people around you may say that they understand, that they love and support you, they don’t really get it. They just won’t be able to wrap their heads around why you do the things that you do. Even if they love you, they can still blame you for what your illness makes you do.
I’ve had this same problem for longer than I can remember. Sometimes I’m just not in control of myself, and people always take it badly. My anxiety makes me look like a complete as*hole almost all of the time.
I’ve Turned All My Friends Against Me
I’m scared to approach my friends. Even the people that I’ve been close to for years intimidate me. The idea of texting or calling them terrifies me because I don’t want to come off too strong. Inviting them to go somewhere is even harder because I don’t want to be a nuisance.
Sometimes all I want is just to see my friends and get out of my own head for a while, but my anxiety won’t even give me that.
What makes all of this even worse is that I can’t even believe them when they say they want to hang out with me. Their texts to me send me into a spiral of overthinking and being unsure of what’s the perfect reply and how long I should wait to hit send. I even decline almost all of their invitations to spend time together. I’m just too scared that I’ll be annoying if I go or that I won’t be able to handle it.
The saddest part is that I know exactly what I’m doing. Logically, I know that I should hang out with them and text them from time to time. In spite of how aware I am and how desperate I am to socialize, I just can’t. Now, all of the people I once called my best friends completely hate me.
People Have the Wrong Ideas About Me
Anxiety is a hidden monster that rules your life while everyone around you is blind to what’s going on. Most of the time, this illness isn’t about hyperventilating or visibly freaking out in a public. More often than not, it’s completely silent.
It’s me battling myself inside my own head and wondering how I’ll survive another day.
How could people possibly understand what’s happening if they can’t see it? Because of how hidden my illness is, people have so many pre-conceived notions about who or what I am. They think I’m just shy, that I’m a loner, that I’m a snob, or that I’m self-centered. Usually, they just think I’m a complete as*hole. That has made me feel more alone than you could ever imagine.
Despite what my anxiety may tell me, I know that I’m not a bad person. I have good intentions and I care deeply about the people in my life. Although it may seem like I dislike everyone, I don’t. More than anything I just want to be loved, just like everyone else does. So please, don’t think I’m an as*hole for the way that I behave. I’m working every single day to grow, to become a better friend, and to make anxiety a part of my past.
Do you know someone who suffers from anxiety? Share this article with them and let them know that you still support them no matter what.