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Why God Lets You Fall In Love With A Person And Then Takes Them Away

Why God Lets You Fall In Love With A Person And Then Takes Them Away

People often say to me that when you love someone, you can’t explain why you love them. It is a feeling that goes beyond all reasoning and planning. We rarely plan to fall in love. We just do. When we meet someone special, someone with whom we ‘click’ there is an instant connection and bonding that is happening between our souls.

Sometimes I feel that these soul-connections are given to us by God. I feel that God makes us meet certain people and allows them to become a vital part of our lives and change us to the core. These people are the ones who are destined to teach us the most valuable lessons about ourselves and the world.

When I look back, every person that has come into my life has come for a reason – to teach me something and shape me into the person I am today. And the interesting part is, these people were not meant to stay, they were only there to fulfill their mission and then leave.

Most of the time, it’s the stage of our lives we are in that determines the type of people that will connect with us. Because God always sends the right people at the right time and provides us with the answers we were looking for. He wants us to grow and become the best versions of ourselves and that’s why He sometimes brings challenging people that are meant to shake us to our core and inspire us to change.

The trouble is, when we fall in love with these people and our bond, we forget that they are only temporary and we don’t want to let go. So, we desperately try to make them our forever people even though they have fulfilled their mission and need to leave us. We just can’t understand why God would bring someone amazing into our lives and then take that person away.

And perhaps that’s the point. Maybe God is teaching us how to let go. Because after all, nothing is eternal. And in order for us to learn how to detach and accept that a certain story is over, we have to practice the art of letting go gracefully.

But most importantly, God is teaching us to have faith that one day we will meet someone who will be our forever.

I’ve Finally Learned To Let Go Of Anyone Who Doesn’t Value Me

I’ve Finally Learned To Let Go Of Anyone Who Doesn’t Value Me

I am a giver. I am a fighter. I am someone who has been taught to fight for the people and things I love. During my whole life, I believed that if I made a connection with someone, I should fight for it and do everything to keep that person in my life. How wrong I was…

I naively thought that every person in my life deserved to be there. I kept giving my all to them and kept ending up empty, brokenhearted, and utterly betrayed. And the saddest thing is, I was doing this to myself. I was betraying and destroying me because I couldn’t let go.

I just couldn’t accept the fact how the people I loved the most could hurt me just like that instead of loving me back. Why would someone reject all the love and care I was giving to them?

After many, many heartbreaks, and lonely nights spent in tears, I finally got it. You can’t change people. You can’t make them love you or appreciate you more.

In the process of being nice to others and making them love me, I lost myself. I forgot to love myself and be there for me. Because, at the end of the day, we are all alone. And when someone turns their back on us, we only got ourselves. And that should be enough. We are enough.

We must be our own heroes and not expect anything from anyone. We must be complete and whole on our own. We must guard our hearts ferociously because if we don’t, no one would.  

I am proud to say that I’ve finally let go of people who didn’t value me. I have also learned that just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean that they love you back or are good for you. Just because you want someone in your life doesn’t mean that they deserve to have a place in your life and heart.

I’ve finally learned that I deserve more than someone who constantly hurts me and lets me down. I have faith in me and my future that I will find someone who will see my true worth and be there for me. Someone who will reciprocate my love and my effort. Someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

I am no longer think less of myself just because someone didn’t see my worth. I am just walking away from them and releasing them from my life and my energy field.

I’ve finally learned to let go…

6 wedding blessings, prayers, and readings you will love

The order of the wedding is one that is meticulously planned, to make the day a fulfilled one. But while planning, three essentials must be present — wedding blessings, wedding prayer and wedding readings. These three items each have their importance to the couple, and you have to get it right. While you can borrow already made ones, there’s also space for leaving your touch, by writing your own.

Whichever choice you make, see our lineup of prayers, readings, and wedding blessing ideas below. If you are the hopelessly romantic type, you’ll also find unique wedding poems for your delight. They are either religious, romantic or traditional to suit your preference!

The Wedding Readings

Wedding blessing readings are sweet and heartfelt words that distill your relationship. Readings are sourced from different materials like the holy book, literature, movies, music and more. They can also be written by you if you intend to personalize it. With this, we’ve rounded up examples of wedding readings. Get inspired, whip out the cute diary from your bride’s box, and put something down.

  1. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

  1. By Rumi

May these vows and this marriage be blessed.

May it be like sweet milk,

this marriage, like wine and halvah.

May this marriage offer fruit and shade

like the date palm.

May this marriage be full of laughter,

our every day a day in paradise.

May this marriage be a sign of compassion,

a seal of happiness here and hereafter.

May this marriage have a fair face and good name,

an omen as welcome,

as the moon in a clear blue sky.

I am out of words to describe

how spirit mingles in this marriage.

 

The Marriage Blessings

Marriage blessings are more-or-less wedding wishes to the couple. The bulk of them is religious and traditional because they are well-grounded for generations. If you’re coming through wedding blessings quotes or texts, see some suggestions here.

  1. From The Church of England

Blessed are you, O Lord our God,

for you have created joy and gladness,

pleasure and delight, love, peace, and fellowship.

Pour out the abundance of your blessing upon the bride and groom in their new life together.

Let their love for each other be a seal upon their hearts

and a crown upon their heads.

Bless them in their work and in their companionship;

awake and asleep,

in joy and in sorrow,

in life and in death.

Finally, in your mercy, bring them to that banquet

where your saints feast forever in your heavenly home.

We ask this through Jesus Christ your Son, our Lord

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,

one God, now and forever. Amen.

  1. By Dave Willis

May your marriage always bring glory to God, joy to one another and blessings to your family for many generations to come. May love and laughter fill your hearts and your home for all at the days of your lives. May you face every challenge hand-in-hand and side-by-side knowing that with God’s grace, you’ll conquer all obstacles together. May the world be forever a better place because the two of you fell in love. In Jesus’ name, Amen

The Wedding Prayers

Prayer for the wedding ceremony is the blessing of your union. This is very important if you intend to honor your faith and connect it to something spiritual. Wedding prayers are full of positivity and suit any wedding. They aren’t always religious, as you’ll see below.

  1. By Max Lucado

Would you take these two,

of dust and bone,

Born of flesh, then you,

Would you make them one?

Would you speak again

The words you spoke

When Adam slept

And Eve awoke?

Would you let your wine

Replace our water.

And look with grace

On this son, this daughter?

Oh Lord of Eden

In your majesty

Create again

Your tapestry

One heart

Where there were two.

This is the prayer

We lift to you. 

  1. By Robert Louis Stevenson

Lord, behold our family here assembled.

We thank you for this place in which we dwell,

for the love that unites us,

for the peace accorded us this day,

for the hope with which we expect the morrow,

for the health, the work, the food,

and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;

for our friends in all parts of the earth.

Wedding blessings, prayers, and readings have been given in this post. Borrow or use them as templates for your wedding.

You’re Not A Real Man If You’re Stringing Her Along And Wasting Her Time

If you are not ready to make her your priority, leave her alone. Don’t waste her time. Don’t make her an option. Don’t chase her and try to manipulate her by making her feel like what you two have is real. Don’t play mind games. Don’t use her so that you can feel better about yourself after breaking up with your ex. She doesn’t deserve to be a rebound; not to you, not to anyone.

If you are not ready to be in a committed relationship, don’t string her along. Don’t try to know her better. Don’t make her feel close to you. Don’t open up to her and have her open up to you as well if you are not ready to respect her and her feelings. If you are not ready to love her, don’t make her fall in love with you. It is cruel.

If she is not your first choice, don’t try to get her back when she distances from you. Don’t try to fool her with your fake words and promises to keep her in your life. That’s selfish. Don’t kiss her and hold her hand if you are not planning to love her the real way.

If you are not ready to be with her, just leave. Walk away from her and let her find her happiness elsewhere. Don’t act jealous when you see her with someone else. Don’t try to get her back only to treat her like an option again.

 First Choice

If you are not willing to make her yours, stop wasting her time. Don’t half-love her. Don’t lie to her. Just leave because she doesn’t need half-you. She needs a mature and whole person beside her. Someone she can count on. Someone she can love and who will love her more than anything.

Leave her alone if you are not ready to be with her because she will leave you when she realizes that you are stringing her along. She will leave you when she realized that your presence feels the same as your absence and that she is better off alone.

This woman is the kind of woman who is looking for real love and commitment. She believes in being faithful and committed to one person. She is someone who loves hard and deep. She wants all or nothing.

Therefore, if you are having second thoughts about her, always choose to leave her. She will be grateful for that.

The Unbearable Pain Of Trying To Forget Someone You Never Even Had

I Am Not Looking For ‘Almost’; I Am Looking For Forever

Last night, it happened again. I couldn’t fall asleep because I was thinking of you. I don’t even know why you are still on my mind. I promised myself that we are over and that I will move on, but somehow, I can’t. I’ve spent so much time looking down at my phone, hoping to see your name on my screen. I was missing you so much that I didn’t realize that I was losing myself in the process and letting myself down.

When I first met you, you were the light in my life. I had so much faith in us and our future together. I never thought we would ever grow distant. But we did. And it was brutal. It was one of the most painful breakups I have ever had even though we were never officially together.

And do you know how difficult it is for me to explain this to someone? How can I tell someone that I am grieving over someone I never even had? I spent many months with you, and when you were not with me, you were in my mind. We were texting and talking constantly. I shared everything with you. But, slowly, it all started to fade away until we stopped seeing each other entirely.

And what pains me the most is the fact that we could have been great together. We could have built something lasting. I believed in us. I believed in you. I fought for us and our connection, but I stopped when I realized that I was fighting alone.

The hurt from losing you is not any less just because we were not in a relationship. I loved you. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally invested in you. I enjoyed spending time with you that I ignored everything you said when you told me you didn’t want a relationship. And perhaps that’s where I made a mistake. Perhaps my hope that one day we will be together screwed me up.

How could I be so dumb? I am here, writing about you, thinking of you, losing sleep at night because of you while you are probably out there, dating and sleeping with someone else. You are with another girl while I am here still hurting while trying to get you out of my head and my heart.

I was looking for forever. I was looking for love and commitment and you involved me in a friend with benefits situation. I knew I didn’t deserve it but still, it was hard to let you go.

Now, a few months passed since we last kissed and held hands. I still talk to you from time to time, just so we make sure we are okay, and I see you around in town sometimes. We hug, we greet, we ask each other cliché questions. Our connection is lost and we both know that. And we are not trying to rekindle the fire that once burnt between us.

I wish you well, of course. But now I know what I want and what I deserve. And I am sorry that I couldn’t get it with you.

I Don’t Give A Damn About Other People Anymore. I Am Focusing On Me

I Am Focusing On Me

I am slowly realizing that I stopped thinking twice about people who don’t give a damn about me. I am not putting in any effort for someone who doesn’t deserve me. Period.

Before, I was doing the opposite. I was giving my time and energy to all the wrong people. I was doing everything for someone who couldn’t bother to even ask me about my day. I was there for people who when I needed them, they turned me down and walked away.

Now I know better. I will no longer waste my love on unhealthy relationships with people who don’t love me back. I will no longer hope that they will change their mind and fall in love with me after they see how wonderful I am. I am done with that. Those toxic relationships nearly killed me. Every time the person on the other end of the relationship will use my good nature and then toss me like a used mop after they get bored or find a new victim.

I am done. I will never make someone a priority in my life when it is clear that I am not a priority in theirs. The truth is, I am exhausted from always giving all of me to someone who took me for granted and leaving myself feeling empty and drained. I realize that I don’t want to live a life like that and therefore I am changing my old ways.

I Don’t Give A Damn About Other People Anymore. I Am Focusing On Me

I will be the real me without caring whether someone likes me or not. I will not follow any dumb rule made up by someone who wanted things to be easier for them. It is not easier for me, so I am not doing it. From this moment on, I will do things my way.

I will no longer conceal my feelings because they are not something I should be ashamed of. I will express them when I feel like it. I won’t hide my soft heart under a hard and cold exterior just because someone thinks that’s the way to not get your heart broken.

Well, if I get hurt, okay. I will get over it. What I won’t get over, however, is not living my life the way my heart tells me to just because I am scared what other people will think of me.

I will cry when I am sad and smile when I am happy. I won’t pretend I am okay when I am not. I don’t give a f*ck anymore.

I stopped giving a damn about things over which I don’t have control. If someone doesn’t care about me, why should I care about them? I am cutting off anyone who doesn’t make me happy or doesn’t bring meaning into my life.

Because, the thing is, I worked hard for everything that I am and everything I have. I am working hard every day to become the best version of myself. I have goals. I have dreams. I know where I want to be. I am not a lost and naïve soul one can decide to screw over and walk away.

I realize now that I am surrounded by manipulators and emotional abusers who lack the emotional capacity to care about anyone, including themselves. They are there to hurt people and I won’t let them hurt me anymore. I will stay away from their toxicity and not let them anywhere near me. I am done with their toxic bullshit.

I am also done pretending I am okay when I am not. If someone makes me feel like shit, I won’t stay silent. I will speak up and put them in their place.

And I won’t forgive them. I am done giving second chances to people who keep on disappointing me. Some people don’t deserve second chances. Some people don’t deserve forgiveness. They deserve to stay in the past where they belong.

And I am okay with that. I finally realized I don’t give a f*ck anymore. I care about myself now and my own growth and healing.  

Moving On Doesn’t Mean Finding A New Person. It Means Finding Oneself

moving on

After a breakup, there are people who want to win the breakup by finding a new person quickly to fill the void that the ex-partner left.

Yes, I agree that relationships aren’t a game and after breaking up with someone instead of trying to find happiness in another person, you should focus on yourself and find a way to heal yourself while moving on with your life genuinely and gracefully.

Of course, no one wants to go through Facebook pictures of their ex with their new relationship while you are still alone and getting over it.

We all want to feel wanted and desired, especially after a painful breakup. However, the trouble comes when we start measuring our happiness by whether we have a new romantic partner.

Moving on has nothing to do with finding a new person. It is now about getting back on the dating game. And it is not about going into a new relationship, falling in love, and plan your happily ever after. No. It doesn’t work like that.

Moving on is taking back your life. It is investing in yourself and your life. It is following your dreams. Taking care of yourself. It is growing and learning. It is making peace with your past and finding love and peace within yourself.

As for me, after breaking a long-term relationship, followed by a career change, an apartment move, traveling, and a lot of reflection on myself and my life, I realized that during that process, I had forgotten all about him. And I managed to get over him without falling in love with someone else because during my grieving period, I stayed single. I haven’t even gone on dates.

So, for me, moving on had nothing to do with committing to a new person. For me, moving on meant welcoming a new phase of my life when I was in commitment to myself.

Of course, moving on is not the same for all people. Some people move on only by finding someone new. Others build a bustling career and are happy living their independent lives.

No two people are the same, and so, the healing process of moving on is different for everybody.

After all, moving on is simply being happy again without your ex. And never wanting to go back.

8 Things You Should Remember Whenever You Feel Broken Inside

broken inside

Life is a series of ups and downs. And when you’ve been down for so long and you are slowly falling into the dark abyss of despair, sadness, and hopelessness, please remember this:

1. Remember that your cracks will allow light to come in.

If your heart doesn’t break from time to time, then there wouldn’t be a place for the light to enter your life. Sometimes, all it takes is a painful, heart-crushing experience to remind up that we are alive. You must get broken first to be able to see and appreciate all the goodness in the world and transform yourself into a better and stronger human being. It’s not easy, and it wasn’t supposed to be easy. But you will make it and then a new door of opportunities will open for you.

2. Remember to embrace your feelings instead of fighting them.

Instead of fighting your bad emotions, try embracing them. They are what make you human. Crying, screaming, falling down to your knees in despair are all strong emotions and it is better to let them out instead of bottling them because eventually, someday they will backfire on you. Feel everything. Feel your emotions. Don’t run from them. Emotions are a vital part of the healing process and life in general.

3. Remember your “WHY”.

Whenever you feel insufficient, broken, let down, exhausted… keep remembering yourself and your purpose in life. Remind yourself about your goals and dreams. Always keep your “why” in mind and remember, every negative situation will only provide you with new perspectives and opportunities. Negative experiences are also valuable experiences, sometimes more valuable than positive ones if you are willing to learn from them.

4. Remember that your friends and family are there for you.

When you feel down and broken inside, please remember that you can always count on your family and friends for support. They will comfort you when you need them and help you find your strength again.  

5. Remember that you are not your feelings.

Remember that you don’t own your feelings and your feelings don’t own you. They don’t define you. They are only temporary, and they will pass. Happiness, sadness, excitement, pain… it all passes eventually. You are so much more than your feelings, remember that.

6. Remember the things that exist beyond your brokenness.

Just because you are in pain, it doesn’t mean that all the good things in the world ceased to exist. Remember that no matter how much darkness you are experiencing now, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Many beautiful and good things are waiting for you around the corner. Just be patient.

7. Remember the things that make you happy and focus on them.

Often, when you feel broken inside, you focus your attention only on the things that bring you pain and despair and you forget to remember all the things that make you happy. You forget the beauty of going for a walk, chatting with your friends, enjoying your cup of coffee, riding your bike, reading a book… anything that makes your soul sing with joy. Try to heal your heart by enjoying the littlest things in life.

8. Remember that pain is temporary.

Everything passes. Everything is temporary. Pain as well. Therefore, don’t take it too seriously. Try to see your pain as heroic. See it as something that has taught you many life lessons and shaped you in the person you are today.

If You Love Someone, Say It. Life’s Too Short

Have you ever loved someone and you didn’t know what you should do about it?

Perhaps it was a friend, someone with whom you were romantically involved, or someone completely new in your life and you didn’t know how to express your love to them.

Yes, we all struggle with showing our emotions and be vulnerable. We all fear loving someone and expressing our love to them and realizing that that love is not being reciprocated. It is a fear we all have, the fear of rejection.

I think, first of all, we should all ask ourselves whether we really love the person we have in mind. If we do, then we should give it a chance and say how we feel.

Life’s too short. And regret is worse than rejection. After 10 or 20 years you will regret the chances you didn’t take and the words you didn’t say to people who mattered to you.

Therefore, if someone holds a special place in your heart, make sure they know. If you are afraid of losing someone, that means something. Follow your intuition and your heart, always.  

Fight for what you love. It’s the only war worth fighting for. And you deserve to be happy.

I Am Strong But I Still Need Someone To Hold My Hand

I am a strong person but I still need love. I need to have someone who will be there for me. Someone who will take my hand and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Someone who will take away all my fears and worries.

I am a strong and independent person, but sometimes I need a loyal person who will hug me and show me the meaning of true love. Someone who will feel like home to me. 

Take All The Time You Need To Heal Your Heart And Feel Like Yourself Again

We, human beings, are not made of stone. We have feelings and oftentimes our feelings get hurt. We all have experienced incredible sadness and we still crumble down and drown in sorrow. But, it’s during those times that we learn how to embrace our emotions.

Be angry. Be sad. Cry. Let your emotions out. They are there to remind you how you shouldn’t be feeling. Your emotions are there to humble you and break your heart so that it can open for new experiences and better things.

I also went through an emotional rollercoaster. The person who I thought loved me broke my heart. I was devastated. I never thought I could move on with my life. I realized that they never cared about me and what they could get from me. I was only a temporary convenience and they never planned on loving me the way I deserve to be loved.

And I think that this realization was what hurt me the most – when I found that I was not what they wanted. And that is okay. Now, I understand that I can’t be good and wanted by everyone I love. I can’t force someone into loving me. I can only control myself and my feelings.

During moments of deep pain and sadness, it is essential to do small things that make you happy. Go out with your friends. Buy yourself something. Book tickets for your next trip. Anything that will make you happy. Moreover, surround yourself with positive people who will make you forget all the pain that is in your heart. People who will make you smile again and show you that life is beautiful. Hold on to those people.

And never, never feel guilty for taking the time you need to heal and make yourself feel okay again. Everyone has a different pace in life and everyone’s healing is different. The only thing that you should remember is to be patient and know that good things come to those who wait.

When Two People Who Are The Happiest Together Can’t Have Their Happily Ever After

We were not right for each other. I know it. But, I still want you to know that you hold a special place in my heart. I want to thank you for all we shared and all the memories. I want to thank you for falling in love with me and being there to catch me when I fell in love with you. I want to thank you for all the laughs we shared. I want to thank you for loving me for who I am and your understanding and support you were giving me every single day. Especially, thank you for always being there for me.

Even though we were very happy together, and even though at some point we were right for each other, our love had an expiration date. And somehow, we both knew we were never going to last.

When we finished our story, I couldn’t help but wonder about all the maybes and what-ifs in our connection. I couldn’t stop my heart from feeling pain. And I also couldn’t understand how two people who were perfect together can’t have their happily ever after. I knew all along that you are not the one I am supposed to spend my life with even though I wanted with every fiber of my being.

I didn’t know then, but I know now that sometimes love is not enough. When it is the real thing, you not only fall in love with the other person, but you also fall in love with yourself. When you are with your destined person, you fall head over heels in love with the person you are with them.

Because, we can love someone, and it can still not be right. We can care about someone so much, and yet they might not be the one. Our relationship might still not be long-lasting. And that’s okay. Because maybe all these relationships and love stories are our steppingstones towards falling more and more in love with ourselves. Maybe they lead us to the right thing where we can find our true happiness.

As for me, I refused to let go of someone who was making me happy and fulfilled because I forgot that I can and I am completely fine on my own. That I can be happy on my own. Because with you, I forgot how to love myself. I didn’t live my truth. I lost my authenticity. That’s why we were not meant to be. And sometimes, we have to let someone go, so as something better can come.

But even though we didn’t last long, I will forever carry you in my heart. Because you have changed my life. You have shaped me in the person I am today and for that, I am forever grateful.

Now I know that true love is finding someone who will let you fall in love with yourself first.

The Right One Will Enter Your Life When You Are Living It As If You Are The Love Of It

The Right One Will Enter Your Life

The “right” one… Many of us are still looking to find that person with whom we will spend our life. The one who will be our friend, lover, confidant, our biggest supporter, the one who always motivates us, is kind to us, and loves us with all their heart. The one whose soul is as our soul.

But, what if “the one” never comes? What if you were able to look at your future and see that you won’t find true love ever? What then? What would you do differently in your life? What choices you would make?

Yes, I know that if you are like me, probably that information won’t change anything crucial because your life is not influenced by someone’s presence or absence thereof. The mere idea that I will meet my soulmate and then everything will fall into place didn’t stop me from loving myself and focusing on living my best life. Because I realized that I am already a whole person and I deserve to create the life I want to be living regardless of whether I am with someone or not.

I pay my own bills, I love my job, I have many hobbies and friends, I travel a lot, and I spend my free time learning new things and growing as a person. I put more effort into appreciating the relationships I already have in my life, the ones with my friends and family and I enjoy spending time with them.

I was raised to believe that my goal in life should be finding love, getting married, and having children. But, having broken free from that belief was the ultimate liberation for me. When I stopped being scared of ending up alone, many windows of opportunities opened up for me. I mean, I could live anywhere I want in the world, get the degree I always wanted to have, travel to the places I always wanted to visit and not worry whether my decisions will affect someone else’s life. Because sometimes, love, as wonderful as it is, can hold us back from doing the things we want.

When we stop looking to find the love of our lives, we have all the time in the world to focus on ourselves and become our own loves. We can pamper ourselves, challenge ourselves, and build ourselves up to the best version of ourselves. We can become our own soulmates.

Stop waiting and searching for “the one.” If it’s meant to find them, it will happen. Until then, focus on yourself and live your life freely, confidently, as you are the love of it. Instead of waiting for “the one” – be “the one” for yourself!

5 Tips to Help You Break the Ice on a First Date

Going on a first date can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you’re not sure what the first words out of your mouth are going to be. Unfortunately, the longer you think about what you’re going to do next, the more awkward the situation can become. On the other hand, not saying much at all isn’t a good move, either.

Sometimes, it isn’t what you say or do, it’s how you approach the date in terms of appearance and demeanor that matter the most when it comes to positioning yourself to break the ice. If you can set the tone and create a positive initial impression through visual and social cues, then you don’t have to come up with the coolest or funniest things in the world to say, as you can lean on the preconceived image that you’re already projecting. With that said, here are five effective tips you can use to break the ice more easily on any first date:

1. Wear the Right Footwear and Clothing

While you might be hoping to find someone who “loves you for you” and doesn’t care how you dress, the real world usually doesn’t work like that on a first date. In fact, numerous dating and social surveys have revealed that people base their initial opinions and perceptions of others primarily on their outer appearance, which is mostly influenced by the shoes and clothing you’re wearing and how well-groomed you are. Of course, you’ll probably get a warmer welcome if you’re wearing a brand new pair of Givenchy sneakers than if you were to show up sporting decrepit ice fishing boots from your storage shed – after all, we’re not literally trying to break ice (frozen H2O). Why not check out SSENSE and see what designer pieces catch your eye?

2. Use Fragrances in Your Favor

Science has proven that pheromones and other natural scents are cues that the body uses to attract mates. While you don’t want to go back to the caveman times and utilize your body’s natural stench, you can still leverage the same concept by choosing an appealing cologne or perfume. There have also been social experiments done where people who had neutral or offensive odors were treated worse than people who had an attractive scent. However, be careful not to overdo this tip, as excessive fragrances could nauseate or annoy your date.

3. Don’t Talk Too Much

Your goal is to break the ice a bit, not completely melt it into a boiling lake of awkwardness. Don’t put yourself in the hot seat on purpose with long drawn out lectures. Try to think of breaking the ice like ice fishing: you put a line out there and wait a bit to see how the fish respond – you don’t just keep throwing lines out all willy-nilly. To bring the analogy even further, one properly placed line is all it really takes to put your catch on the hook. In more basic terms, the more you talk, the more likely it is that you’ll say accidentally something stupid or offensive, so try to keep your opening lines and responses short and sweet.

4. Choose the Right Setting

No, we’re not talking about your smartphone settings here. Instead, we’re talking about the environment in which the first date takes place. Naturally, it’s harder to break the ice in some places than it is in others. To build upon the previous analogy, you don’t want your date to take place in a frigid area where breaking the ice will feel like chipping away at Antarctica with an ice pick. Instead, you want to choose a warm and welcoming temperate zone that will ignite a heat wave which softens the ice just enough for you to gently break through it. In general, “warm” places are secluded, serene, peaceful, or entertaining, whereas “cold” places are crowded, hectic, noisy, or boring.

5. Be the First to Open Up or Ask a Question

You don’t want a horde of crickets standing in your way when you’re trying to break open the ice with a shovel. In case you’re socially clueless, “crickets” is the term used to describe that horrible void of silence that happens when neither person can think of something to say or muster up the courage to say it. Thus, the first step to breaking the ice properly should always be to clear the crickets out of the way. Of course, in the real word, you’d probably never encounter a horde of crickets swarming atop an ice sheet, but hey, you get the point – somebody’s got to be the big enough person to open up or start the discourse. You should never feel hesitant during this step because, in all actuality, your date expects you to say something, so don’t let them down.

Be Ready to Answer Questions, But Not Over-Eager

Eventually, after a few dates you can cut loose and not really give too much thought to how you’re answering questions, but for the first date it’s always best to look at it like a job interview – try to sound good without disqualifying yourself. When it comes to answering questions, sometimes less is more. You don’t want to be that person who tells their entire life story when someone asks them what kind of restaurant they want to eat at.

I Didn’t Love You, I Just Loved The Idea Of You And That’s Where I Got Hurt

I loved you. I loved you with passion and ferocity. I loved you with such a depth that I got myself to a point when I couldn’t imagine my life without you. It’s like I was not only in love with you, I was infatuated by you. I was obsessed and in love with every part of your body, your smile, your eyes, your touch… everything.

And I was not only in love with you, but I was also in love with the way you were making me feel. I didn’t only love your hands and your touch, but I also loved the way my skin warmed and melted under them. It wasn’t just your laugh, but the goosebumps I got every time I saw your smile.

And sometimes I even think that I didn’t even really love you but I loved the idea of you and how you made me feel. Yes, love can be selfish like that. We love for us, never for the other person.

That’s why when you left, I felt as if the most valuable part of me was being ripped off.

And your leaving was not silent. You slammed the door on your way out. I felt like a failure and I thought that I was destined to live a lonely life full of sorrow and emptiness because I was attached to all the wonderful things that you represented to me. And when you left, it’s like you took away all the beauty with you and suddenly my life has become a barren desert.  

But now I understand. I wasn’t in love with you, I was in love with the idea of you. Yes, you hurt me when you took away the fantasy, but I will be okay.

There is still love in my heart that is waiting to be shared with someone who will be right for me.

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