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I Didn’t Love You, I Just Loved The Idea Of You And That’s Where I Got Hurt

I loved you. I loved you with passion and ferocity. I loved you with such a depth that I got myself to a point when I couldn’t imagine my life without you. It’s like I was not only in love with you, I was infatuated by you. I was obsessed and in love with every part of your body, your smile, your eyes, your touch… everything.

And I was not only in love with you, but I was also in love with the way you were making me feel. I didn’t only love your hands and your touch, but I also loved the way my skin warmed and melted under them. It wasn’t just your laugh, but the goosebumps I got every time I saw your smile.

And sometimes I even think that I didn’t even really love you but I loved the idea of you and how you made me feel. Yes, love can be selfish like that. We love for us, never for the other person.

That’s why when you left, I felt as if the most valuable part of me was being ripped off.

And your leaving was not silent. You slammed the door on your way out. I felt like a failure and I thought that I was destined to live a lonely life full of sorrow and emptiness because I was attached to all the wonderful things that you represented to me. And when you left, it’s like you took away all the beauty with you and suddenly my life has become a barren desert.  

But now I understand. I wasn’t in love with you, I was in love with the idea of you. Yes, you hurt me when you took away the fantasy, but I will be okay.

There is still love in my heart that is waiting to be shared with someone who will be right for me.

This Is Me, Giving Up On You And Finally Moving On To Something Better

I watched you how easily you made promises and I watched you break them all with the same easiness. I watched you tell lies and expecting me to believe them. I watched you burn all the bridges that I’ve built for our relationship to turn into something real. I also watched you turn into the coldest person I know while I was there, giving you all the love and warmth that I had for you.

And I stayed. I stayed through all the bullshit. I always found strength in my heart to forgive you because I was terrified of letting you go.

I believed in ‘us’ so much that I forgot about myself. I held onto you for so long, wishing and hoping that things will change. I trusted you with all my heart because I believed that you loved me too and that this rough phase will soon pass, and we will be happy together.

But, you only made me watch you break promises. You only made me believe that love is just a temporary feeling and it passes away. You forced me to see that staying with a person who makes you wonder where you stand with them is a complete waste of time.

And now, this is me – finally giving up on you and choosing myself.

This is me giving up on you because I realized that I have no future with you and that I deserve to have someone who will happily plan a future with me. I am walking away from you because I am finally done walking on eggshells trying to make you happy while you were taking me for granted and treated me as if I were disposable.

I am finally done dealing with your selfishness and emotional immaturity. I am not giving you another chance this time.

This time, I will focus on loving myself and giving love only to those people who love me back and put an effort and energy into our relationship.

This is me, telling you that you are no longer the love of my life. This is me, telling you that you are not allowed back into my life because I won’t let you ruin my happiness again and mess with my life.

This is me, saying my final goodbye and this time I don’t look forward to seeing you. Our paths will cross here, and I will never look back.

And I know that this is the best decision I’ve ever made.

When You Ignore Your Woman, You’re Only Doing Her A Favor To Accustom To A Life Without You

You should never ever ignore the woman you love because that’s how you’ll lose her. When it comes to matters of love, the thing we women hate the most is being ignored by the person we care about.

And it doesn’t matter how long we’ve been in the relationship. We always, always want you to put effort and show us your love.

I, personally, cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen couples in public ignoring each other. That’s not okay. When you are with your partner, they should be the focus of your attention – not your phone! Now, if there is an emergency I understand. But, scrolling through social media just because when your love is sitting across from you is utter nonsense.

Maybe at first, she will call you out and tell you that it bothers her when you don’t pay any attention to her. And if you don’t listen to her, you will lose her. Why? Because at some point she will stop “begging” for your undivided attention, and she will put her attention on herself. She will realize that she deserves more because she is a worthy and wonderful woman inside and out.

Because when you ignore your woman, you are doing her a favor to experience a life without you and realize that she doesn’t need you. If you don’t return her calls and texts, you are teaching her to not text you as often, and when you accomplish that, you will lose her because she will never again want to waste her time on you.

The more you ignore your woman, the more she accustoms to a life without you. And before you realize what is happening, she is gone.

You may live in the fantasy that it is okay to leave your lady on the back burner because where would she go? You falsely assume that she will always be there for you just because she loves you. Well, I am sorry to destroy your fantasy, but a quality woman knows when enough is enough. She knows her worth and she will not allow you to disrespect her like that and take her for granted.

Because when you ignore her, she is learning that you don’t respect her. That you don’t she is worthy of being taken out to dinner and you talking to her during the evening. And even if you don’t mean those things, she believes them to be true.

No woman should ever feel ignored and unwanted by her significant other.

This woman was with you through everything. That’s why no matter what you have going on in your life, put your phone down and talk to her. Spend time with her. Take her out. Love her. Appreciate her before it’s too late.

Don’t teach her how to live her life without you. 

Women Who Don’t Love Themselves Tend To Have Trust Issues

Women who don’t love themselves have trouble trusting someone because they cannot see why anyone would want to be with them and what they see in them.

When they discover that someone has a crush on them, they immediately think that they have hidden motives. They think they are leading them on, that they are playing them. They think the person who is interested in them is lying to them only to hook up with them and then leave.

They question everyone’s good intentions because it is so difficult for them to open up and trust that someone will love them because they don’t even love themselves.

Even when they are in a serious relationship, they are not calm. They easily get anxious when their partner goes out with friends and comes home late or forgets to return their call. They also feel insecure and not good enough almost every time a good-looking woman passes by. They worry because they think their partner will leave them for someone better.

And it does not matter how good the person is and how much they promise they are never going to hurt them – these women are still going to look out for red flags and signs of lying and betrayal. They can literally be their own worst enemy.

Women who don’t love themselves don’t trust other people as well because they cannot see the beauty and the goodness that lies within them. They only see their flaws and mistakes. They think they are unlovable and therefore when someone shows they love them; they are not sure what to do. Their first instinct is to escape because they think they are going to end up hurt and betrayed.

That’s why it can take some time before they start opening their heart and trusting again. They must first learn how to love themselves and accept them as they are. They must learn their value and trust that they deserve love and good things. And they deserve someone who will be patient with them and will stay with them on their path towards self-love.

I Am A Strong Woman And Here’s Why It Is So Damn Hard For Me To Find Love

Very often, people falsely thing that strong women don’t want to fall in love and get married to the man of their life. And while it’s true that the majority of these ladies are very independent and happy on their own, that doesn’t mean they are not looking for love.

I think of myself as a strong woman, independent and in touch with her feelings. I have been in a few relationships that were emotionally fulfilling but they all ended suddenly and abruptly, and it was after I decided to get back in touch with myself after a period of losing myself in the relationship.

I don’t know why I get stuck in these patterns, but I believe it all happens because deep down I am conflicted. One part of me wants to find love, while the other part of me doesn’t want to compromise my beliefs, values, and freedom.

Of course, I can’t say that this is true for other strong and independent ladies out there, but my experiences have been depressing. Whenever I meet someone I like, I get overly excited and enthusiastic about the relationship, especially if he gained my respect for his ambition, humility, and his caring but bold nature.

But I always tend to think they are better than they are and that’s my fatal mistake. I always imagine people to be better than they are, and I get disappointed when I see their true colors.

Yes, I understand that we are all imperfect human beings and we should not look for perfection because no one can be, but if someone is not ready to meet me halfway and be an equal partner to me, then why are they pretending to be?

I know that committing to someone and falling in love can be scary, but it is more terrifying for us, strong women, who have their lives together to waste their time and energy on someone who is not ready to be serious.

We are grown-ass women! We are past the point of casual dating. We are looking for the real thing.

I, myself, don’t have the time to get in a relationship with someone who is not ready to live up to his potential and doesn’t want the same things as I do. I want the real deal. I want someone as strong and ambitious as me. I want someone who won’t be scared of their feelings for me. I want someone who will match my intensity and respect my goals. I want someone who will stand beside me and match me on all levels.

Because, what I am fearing is not that I’ll end up alone, but that I’ll end up with the wrong person.

Stop Chasing Him. You Are Hurting Yourself.

Stop chasing him and giving him power. If you are not happy and satisfied with the minimal amount of affection he is giving you, then walk away from him. Don’t let him get away with it and think it is okay to not put an effort and hurt your feelings.

Don’t do it. Don’t let him do as he pleases. Don’t let him get away with things like that. Because, if you are sticking with him you are telling him that it is okay to mistreat you.

Stop chasing him because that makes him lazy. When you chase him, he wouldn’t bother anymore to send you messages and plan dates with you. He won’t chase you back because you will do all the heavy lifting for him. Stop doing it. Stop making it so easy for him.

And the more you continue chasing him, the more you’ll resent him. You might think now that you are happy just by having him in your life, but this phase will come to an end and you’ll hate him for every ignored text or call. You’ll resent him for every date he cancels and for having the nerve to screw you over and over, especially after everything you’ve done for him.

One day you will get tired of everything. You will become exhausted to be the only one fighting for the relationship. One day, you will realize that it is not fair and that by staying in the unhealthy relationship for that long you have broken your own heart when you should have left.

Because chasing him will do just that – it will break your heart. Your self-esteem will go lower and lower. You’ll wonder constantly why you are the only one putting effort and doing everything while he can’t even remember your birthday.

By chasing him, you are subtly telling him that he can reject or ghost you and come back as if nothing happened. He can ignore you for a month and then call you and everything will be fine because he knows you will forgive him and take him back with open arms.

He knows he has you right where he wants you. He knows you are not going anywhere while you are constantly worrying whether he will leave you for someone else.

Stop doing it! Stop torturing yourself and calling it love.

Don’t be the only one who tries. Leave this toxic relationship behind and find someone who will love you and put an effort into the relationship as much as you do. Because real and healthy love is all about mutual trust, respect, compromise, and willingness to work together as a team.

Remember, Apologies Don’t Mean Anything – Actions Do.

Don’t say you are sorry for treating me badly and then going back to treating me the same way. Your apology doesn’t count if your behavior towards me remains unchanged. It’s empty and meaningless. And it is not a reflection on your maturity, because real maturity comes from recognizing your flaws and correcting them.

I will never feel guilty for walking away from you because you have hurt me. Yes, you apologized and said you regret doing so. But you did it again. And again. And again. You kept hurting me and that is something I won’t allow anymore. Everyone has permission to walk away from someone who continues hurting them.

If someone has my best intentions at heart and really loves me, then they will correct their toxic behavior because they wouldn’t want to see me in pain.

Of course, they won’t be perfect and flawless, but they are going to be willing to work on the things that are harming our relationship. Because there is a great difference between a toxic partner who is unwilling to change and someone who has good intentions and they love you but sometimes make minor unintentional mistakes.

Because there are people who were apologizing to me just because they knew that that’s what I wanted to hear, and they thought it was the easiest way out. Yes, their apology might have been sincere, but it turned out that they only treated me better for a short period of time and they ended up going back to their old ways.

This is a common tactic of emotional manipulators. They act like they are sorry for how they treated you because they want to lure you in their life again. Therefore, they sweet-talk you and give you an illusion that they are changed until you put down your guard and then they go back to being a**holes.

So, be careful when you accept apologies. Only give people second chances if you really believe that they are capable of working on themselves and bettering themselves. Don’t lower your standards and forget about your needs just so that you can have an excuse for keeping someone in your life. Don’t hurt yourself like that.

And remember, apologies don’t mean anything – actions do!

Therefore, don’t feel bad about walking away from someone who is not deserving of your time, love, and energy.

Do Taller Men Make Women Happier?

Have you ever wondered why women prefer taller men? Of course, the main reason is that they can wear high heels anytime and anywhere, but one study suggested that women who were in a relationship with taller men were actually happier.

Is it true? Can a taller man make a woman happier?

One study from 2017 that included 7850 Indonesian participants said yes – the greater the height difference between the man and the woman is, the happier the woman will be. Of course, income has something to do with it because as it was found, taller people tend to have greater earning potential because they appear to be more confident, trustworthy and capable (3, 5).

Taller men are also seen as more attractive and they are generally more satisfied with their life (4, 6). Also, it is possible that women are genetically predisposed to like taller men because bigger men were better at hunting in ancient times and they want to feel ‘protected’ and ‘safe’ in their arms.

However, on the other hand, every person is different and there isn’t proof that shorter men cannot make women just as happy as taller men, especially if they are also attractive, happy, and successful.

Moreover, one 2010 study found that women don’t feel more valued or attractive when they are approached by a taller man as opposed to a shorter man.

After all, just look at the famous Hollywood couples like Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Helen Lasichanh and Pharrell Williams, Behati Prinsloo and Adam Levine, and so on. These ladies seem to be very happy together with their shorter partners.

Finally, you shouldn’t let height determine the future of your relationships. Just go towards those who make you happy.

Sources:

  1. Sohn, K. (2016). Does a taller husband make his wife happier?. Personality and Individual Differences, 91, pp.14-21.
  2. Holmes, S. (2017). 19 Female Celebrities Who’ve Been With Shorter Men. [online] ELLE. Available at: http://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/g26073/female-celebs-taller-than-boyfriends/ [Accessed 6 Nov. 2017].
  3. Sohn, K. (2016). Height and happiness in a developing country. Journal of Happiness Studies, 17(1), 1-23. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10902-014-9566-8
  4. Denny, K. (2017). Are the effects of height on well-being a tall tale? Journal of Happiness Studies, 18(5), 1445-1458. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10902-016-9785-2
  5. Persico, N., Postlewaite, A., & Silverman, D. (2004). The effect of adolescent experience on labor market outcomes: The case of height. Cambridge: National Bureau of Economic Research, Inc. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.3386/w10522
  6. Swami, V., Tran, U. S., Stieger, S., & Voracek, M. (2015). Associations between women’s body image and happiness: Results of the YouBeauty.com body image survey (YBIS). Journal of Happiness Studies, 16(3), 705-718. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10902-014-9530-7
  7. Ludwig, Y. S., & Pollet, T. V. (2014). When men appear smaller or larger than they really are: Preliminary evidence that women are fooled by size illusions in attractiveness judgment tasks.Anthropological Review, 77(3), 299-329. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.2478/anre-2014-0023
  8. Stambush, M. A., & Mattingly, B. A. (2010). When being liked makes us dislike ourselves: Self-rated attractiveness as influenced by an attractive or unattractive other’s romantic interest in the self.North American Journal of Psychology, 12(2), 341-354. Retrieved from https://proxy.library.mcgill.ca/login?url=https://search.proquest.com/docview/325150812?accountid=12339

I Am Happy With My Single Life And I Stopped Looking For Love. This Time I Am Letting Love Find Me

Lately, it seems to me as if all my friends suddenly got into relationships. Some out of love, some out of not wanting to be alone, someone because of fear that time is passing them by, and it is time to find someone. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them. If a relationship is what it takes for them to be happy, then excellent.

As for me, I am single as a Pringle. And I am perfectly fine with it. Finally, after many, many years of being single, I can sincerely say that I have not been happier with my singleness than I am now.

Yes, I am happy and fulfilled with my life as it is now. I wouldn’t change anything. I am not saying that everything is perfect, but I stopped obsessing over things and expecting from people things I should first give to myself.

I stopped chasing after love because a love that you must chase is not true love. That’s why I stopped looking for it and instead, I decided to live my life in the most beautiful way I know. Love is still the most precious feeling for me, but I decided to stop chasing it and instead, to enjoy my life and live it with an open heart.

There isn’t anything wrong with being single. There isn’t anything wrong with focusing on yourself and taking care of you. Knowing yourself. Accepting yourself.

I stopped looking for love because I want to heal my past wounds first. I want to explore new depths of me and follow my own destiny.

I stopped looking for love because this time, I am letting love find me.

I am opening my heart for the people who are meant to be in my life to enter. I am no longer searching for love because I began living my life without following rules and other people’s opinions about what I am supposed to do with my life.

I am no longer looking for love because I learned how to be whole on my own.

In my solitude, I found happiness. I learned to love myself. I regained my confidence.

Yes, true love is still something I desire to experience, but it is not my priority. Happiness is. Joy is. Health is. Loving life is.

Me, choosing not to focus on love doesn’t mean that I am disappointed in people or that I am scared of getting hurt. No. This decision means I don’t want to have just anyone in order to be in a relationship. I am looking for the real thing. I want to have something deep, meaningful, and long-lasting. I am done with temporary relationships and short-time pleasures.

My heart is open for love, but only the kind of love that is based on trust and respect.

Until that love enters my life, I will continue choosing myself every single day.

It’s Your Fault That She Left. Now, Nothing Will Make Her Come Back

How could you let her go? How could you fail to see everything that she was giving to you? How could you not see all the love that she had for you? How could you be blind to all the times she was desperately holding onto you and the relationship fighting with all her might to make it work? How?

According to you, she was desperate. She was suffocating you with all her love and care. “I don’t need another mother”, you said. Her empathic personality has become a problem for you to deal with. It was easier to blame her and dismiss her wonderful personality than having to step up to the plate yourself and be a better man for her.

First, you drained her out of all the positive energy and then you had the audacity to tell her that ‘she is crazy’ and that ‘you can’t recognize her anymore.’

I think I can understand what your problem was. You couldn’t be with a woman who constantly pushed you forward and out of your comfort zone to be a better man. She wanted you to live up to your potential while you were fine living your mediocre life.

Unlike you, she saw the potential. She knew that you two could work it out if you made the effort. She was sure that it was all worth it. You, on the other hand, ceased to make the effort and started looking outside of the relationship for temporary pleasure. Why? Because you weren’t able to handle how ‘serious’ and ‘real’ the relationship started to become. You wanted something easy, something casual, something drama-free.

And while you may be telling yourself that you were always a ‘gentleman’ who did everything that he could to make her happy, you know deep in your heart that this is not true. The only thing you did flawlessly was finding the perfect way to escape from the responsibilities of the relationship and leaving her with questions, insecurities, and heartbreak.

You got her to a point when she was hurting and bleeding while trying to heal you and bandage your wounds from the past. And even though she was doing all that to help you, you were throwing excuses and lies at her until she couldn’t take it anymore.

And no matter how many times you succeeded in bringing her back after tearing her apart, the damage in her heart was still there. And one day, it turned into something you could see for yourself – indifference.

Suddenly, she had so much pain inside of her heart that she had to let it go together with her love for you. 

And it’s your loss, really. You lost a strong woman, a genuine woman who truly loved you and was always there for you. Now she is gone and you will have only yourself to blame because she is never coming back.

Make Time For God Because He Loves You And He Is Always There For You

Log off from your Fb and Instagram profile for an hour. Don’t respond right away to that call. Turn off the tv. Cancel your plans for the rest of the day and just sit still. Find your quiet place and spend some time with God. God loves you very much, cares about you, and He has many things to say to you. He will calm your anxious mind and make you listen to your heart.

Always make time for Him regardless of your busy schedule. Because He also makes time for you. You could never feel His presence or hear His words if you are in a constant hurry. 

All the outside noises and disruptions are only keeping you away from Him, your God who loves you.

If you are reading this now you probably are aware of how much you are blessed by Him. He has given you life, ears to hear, eyes to see, a heart to feel, a brain to be aware and understand.

God knows the real you, and He loves and values you immensely. He knows what makes you happy. He knows what makes you cry. He knows what makes you angry. He knows how you feel at any particular time. He knows your fears. He knows your strong and weak sides.

Therefore, make time for him Because He is waiting for you. Always.

You can pray or you can just sit still. You can cry or laugh when you tell Him what happened to you during the day. You can do whatever feels natural to you because God always knows what you want to tell Him even before you tell Him.

God knows the real you. He knows who you were and who you will become. And the more you get to spend time with Him, the more you’ll start hearing His voice.

You are loved. Your unique, extraordinary, lovable, yet flawed soul is so loved by God. And He wants you to let Him in by making time to be alone with Him.

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