I always expect myself to behave in one way or the other. Despite my expectations, however, that normally doesn’t happen. Instead of being either happy or sad, outgoing or shy, needy or distant, I tend to be both. Not only that, but I can even behave at both ends of the spectrum at the same time.
At first, I thought that there was something wrong with me. As time went on, I realized that I wasn’t the only one out there who’s behavior changed frequently. This is to every girl who’s both clingy and distant at the same time to tell you that you are not alone.
I’m happy in my own company, but I also feel incredibly lonely. Most of the time, I love to be by myself. I’m quite happy to go for a meal alone, read a book in silence, or go for a walk without anyone there to distract me. Truly, I love being in my own company.
Despite that, my loneliness can creep up on me out of nowhere. I’ll feel like I can’t survive if I don’t have someone near me. It’s sad just how desperate I’ll become to have any human connection, any contact with another person. I’ll forget how much I enjoy my solitude and focus on how empty I feel instead.
I’m a Giver
I may love to give to and care for others, but I’m also selfish. There are some days where I’ll treat my friends to coffee or offer my seat to someone else on the bus. I’ll stay with a friend for hours just to be a shoulder for them to cry on. On those days, I feel good about myself, like I’m a good person.
However, there are days where I won’t do those things. When that happens, I act like the worst person on Earth. I’ll push past people on the street because I’m in a rush or I’ll ignore calls from my best friends or my mom. Then, I’ll forget about all the generous things I’ve done before and just focus on how awful I really am.
I’m a Hard-Worker
My work-ethic is one of my strongest traits, but I can’t keep it up all the time. Although I’ll spend hours working on a task, paying attention to every detail, finishing projects at light speed, I eventually crumble. I may be hyperfocused most of the time, but I soon become tired.
Then, my laziness kicks in. Instead of working on the things I know I should be doing, I’ll simply do nothing instead. I’ll sit on the couch and watch a movie that I’ve already seen 3 times. Although I know I need to do the dishes and finish my work for the day, I’ll scroll through social media on my phone until it’s time for bed.
I may be clingy, but I’m also distant. Most of the time, I want my partner by my side to hold me and tell me that they love me. I want to cuddle up with them and watch a good movie just so I can feel close to them. More than anything, I just want to feel them be physically near me so that I can feel safe.
Somewhere along the line, however, that all changes. Although I may have adored all the texts and the dates before, I’ll decide that I’ve had enough. I’ll cancel all my plans and ignore my phone, hoping that everyone will just leave me alone. Then, I’ll convince myself that everyone hates me because of how detached I’ve become.
What I’ve learned is that our personalities are ever-changing. No one person is a certain way 100% of the time. On the contrary, the way that everyone feels and behaves is constantly changing and evolving. It’s part of being human, and there’s really nothing wrong with that.
Share this article with your friends and family to show them that it’s okay for their behavior to change sometimes.