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You May Have Been A Big Part Of My Life, But You Will Never Be My Greatest Love

you've been part of my life

Dear person who once showed me what love feels like,

There’s something heavy on my heart. There’s something sitting on my chest that I wish to share with the world and hopefully with you. I know that you’re wondering why everything ended up the way it did. You’re probably beating yourself up thinking that it was your mistake.

But, trust me. I did everything in my power to answer those questions in your head. I wasn’t powerful enough to give them to you. It was selfish of me, I know. But it was too hard for me to face you.

So, here I am. Sitting in front of my computer, desperately trying to find a way to transform my emotions into words.

I wasn’t easy for me to do this. I really thought that we could make it despite every obstacle. I spent days and nights wondering why our relationship wasn’t strong enough to succeed. It took me a lot of time to process everything that we’ve been through. And after all of this time, I think that maybe our love wasn’t that strong enough, to begin with.

I mean it. Maybe the connection we thought we had was never strong at all. I am not saying that we didn’t love each other. Maybe the love we shared was not that kind of all-consuming, pure and passionate love. We were young, crazy, desperate for affection, and we fell down that rabbit hole. We fell hard for each other, one thing led to another and we ended up together.

you've been part of my life

And at first, it was everything I wanted.

But it wasn’t until we really got to know each other that I realized how unhappy we actually were. The only thing that kept us together was our fear of the unknown. We got so used to each other that we never got the chance to have a taste of freedom. We never got the chance to explore the world beyond our safe place – our relationship.

That was our greatest mistake.

There was a time when I thought you were the one, but now I see that I was wrong. You were not the one – you were just the only person I knew back then. You were the first person to show me what love really feels like. You were the first one to let me know what unconditional support means. You were the one who helped me become the person I am today. But you were not my greatest love. That I am sure of.

So, here’s to us. Here’s to making the right decision and following our own separate paths in life. Here’s to being brave to end something that didn’t help us grow. Here’s to letting other people into our lives. And here’s to changes.

Thank you for being in my life and making me the person I am today. Thank you for leaving a mark in my life. Loving you and leaving you were the most important decisions of my life.

Now I know. You were a big part of my life, but you are not my greatest love yet.

Stephanie Reeds