Every couple faces difficulties and arguments from time to time. And while we may think that this is a bad thing, according to the relationship expert Dr. Pam Spurr, arguing is actually a sign of a healthy and loving relationship.
No one says that conflicts and arguments are the most pleasant moments of a relationship as they really bring out very bad and negative emotions inside a person. But, partners argue because they care.
Or in other words, when you are in love with someone, you will fight and argue with them because you want to save the relationship.
According to Dr. Spurr, arguments arise when there is a need to point out and resolve a problem that might harm the relationship. Therefore, arguments, when handled properly, can do more good than harm to the relationship.
“Subconsciously, bickering demonstrates you care about each other even if while bickering you feel annoyed towards your partner,” Dr. Spurr tells the Huffington Post.
Moreover, imagining scenarios that involve quarrels and bickering can invoke both partners to share some deep feelings and fears with each other. On the other hand, if you keep those emotions bottled up inside you, you are likely to start resenting your partner and destroy the bond between you.
So, here are some rules that you should follow if you want to save your relationship by “healthy arguing.”
Count to ten. In the heat of an argument, please count to ten before you say and do something which you’ll regret later.
Don’t get personal. Be careful not to hurt your partner by saying terrible and nasty things to them. No matter how angry you get, try to not offend them.
Stick to the point. Don’t water down the argument with mentioning past arguments and past issues. You won’t get anywhere doing that.
Don’t mention the ‘B’ or ‘D’ word (Breakup, Divorce). Some psychologists and relationship experts warn that by mentioning these words to your partner, the relationship can go downhill.
Redefine your ‘make-up’ expectations. After solving the problem, don’t expect everything to be as it was in the beginning. Take your time to calm down, but true to be more loving and affectionate toward each other.
Forgive and forget.
Finally, when it comes to couples who say they never argue, Dr. Spurr says that those couples could have some unresolved issues that need to be tackled. Also, she argues that couples like that may simply not love each other and that’s why they don’t care to save their relationship.
“It’s rare that a couple has 100% harmony on everything that touches their lives,” she adds.
So, when you find yourself bickering and arguing with your partner, kiss them and give them a big hug because now you know that they love you and care about you as much as you do.
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