Why The Attraction Between An Empath and A Narcissist Is So Strong?
When it comes to being in a relationship with a narcissist, I don’t think there is anything more harmful and dangerous for a person. The experience is painful, verbally, mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially abusive. It is filled with lies, manipulation, and deceit. It is something no person deserves to go through.
However, there are people who still decide to give the narcissist a chance and be in a relationship with them because they can’t seem to shake off the immense attraction they feel for the narcissist. And the person who usually gets involved with the narcissist is the empath – someone utterly opposite from them.
These two completely different individuals are drawn to one another like moths to the flame. However, their inevitable collision can be dangerous, even fatal, for the empath.
Empaths are extremely sensitive people. They have a unique ability to feel what other people are feeling and go through the same experiences that others are going through. They can feel the happiness or the sadness of others as their own. These individuals have a big and soft heart, full of love, generosity, and kindness for everyone around them. They are always there for everyone who needs their guidance and support.
Empaths have difficulty saying ‘no’ and setting clear and healthy boundaries because of their nature. They are loyal friends, colleagues, and lovers, and they will always be there for the people they love, even though they are hurting them.
Narcissists, on the contrary, don’t have empathy in their hearts. They don’t care about other people’s feelings. They have an inflated sense of self-importance, and therefore, they always need to be admired by others. They present a powerful but false image of themselves. Other people see them as confident and self-assured; however, that is a mask to cover their low self-esteem that is vulnerable to even the slightest criticism.
Narcissistic personality disorder (the clinical term given to narcissists) is not black or white. Those who are lower on the disorder scale are those we call selfish and entitled (the average jerk). However, those who are at the end of the scale, those diagnosed with NPD, are morally and emotionally flawed individuals. They are deeply cruel and uncaring, incapable of feeling empathy and compassion for other people, but who hide behind the mas of an attractive and charismatic person.
So, the question is, why these two completely different types of people are even attracted to one another?
The Empath And The Narcissist
The narcissist is attracted to the empath because the empath is everything they are not. The empath is stable, kind, supportive, and loving. Something the narcissist will never be. The empath listens and understands the narcissist. The empath is emotionally available.
So, a person like this is the perfect target for the narcissist. The empath wants to give, give, and give, and the narcissist wants to take, take, and take. It is heaven for the narcissist. The narcissist can finally fill the void inside themselves with the immense love, attention, and care they receive from the empath.
The attraction is about filling the void the narcissist has.
The empath is attracted to the narcissist because, in the beginning, they are funny, carry, charming, and irresistible. Their vibe is so powerful and mesmerizing that the empath can’t believe they found someone like that. The narcissist is very intense, and that attracts the empath, who is all about the depth of everything.
Later on, the empath starts sensing that something is not right, but they start making excuses for the narcissist, believing they are hurt, and so, they want to help them heal. But the narcissist is good at pretending to be broken, lost, and helpless, which invites the empath to save them.
The attraction here is all about wanting to save the narcissist.
But, this attraction is fatal because the empath can never change the narcissist nor help them heal their wounded heart. Therefore, their relationship quickly becomes a codependent one, with the narcissist having all their wishes fulfilled and the empath being left empty-handed. Sadly, with the narcissist, it is never enough. Regardless of how much the empath gives to the narcissist, the narcissist is never happy and fulfilled.
The narcissist doesn’t want to change. Nor are they able to change. They don’t have the basic emotions required for someone to want to make a change – guilt and empathy. Therefore, the narcissist cannot be helped or saved by the empath. The best thing that the empath can do is leave the narcissist alone.
21 Stages That Every Empath And Narcissist Go Through When They Are In A Relationship:
1. The narcissist attracts the empath. They begin a relationship. The empath’s love is deep and unconditional. The narcissist, on the other hand, has no intention of developing a stronger connection and getting close to the empath. The empath is happy and satisfied every time they are around the narcissist and they falsely think that their love is being reciprocated.
2. The empath starts to feel like they have finally met the love of their life. The narcissist asserts them by designing an illusion which leads the empath to think that they have a special bond that is impossible to break. At times, it may look like the narcissist wants the relationship as much as the empath, but this is not true. The narcissist only wants to be in control.
3. As time passes, the narcissist will try to break the empath’s self-esteem by making them feel weak and unable to do even the simplest things. The narcissist will never openly attack the empath, but they will say something like, “I don’t mean to hurt you but…” and then mention some “shortcoming” of the empath. The whole control of the relationship will be in the hands of the narcissist as they will start making every decision. The empath will gradually start to believe that they are incapable of anything and that they are lucky to have the narcissist in their life.
4. The narcissist will become the sole center of the empath’s universe as they are the ones that are truly in love. They will always try to help, take care of, cheer up and soothe the narcissist. They will always be there for the narcissist whenever the narcissist needs them. The narcissist will try to present themselves as the victim thus manipulating the empath into giving them what they want since the empaths are natural givers.
5. The empath’s intentions are pure.
The empath has a good heart and they cannot understand the fact that the narcissist’s wounds are different from theirs, and so is the healing. The narcissist’s wounds cannot be healed with love, as the empath believes because the narcissist is a person who is immune to love.
6. The relationship starts to be all about the narcissist.
Eventually, the empath will realize this, because as time passes, they will start to feel afraid to state or fight for their desires and needs in the relationship. The empath will rather die than give someone a reason to dislike them, so they will still try to please the narcissist even though they are not happy in the relationship.
7. The more affection, devotion, effort, love, and care that the empath gives to the narcissist, the more in control the narcissist feels. And as long as the empath continues to put the effort into the relationship, it is almost impossible for them to see a problem in the relationship. The problems arise when the empath finally ‘wakes up’ and reaches their breaking point.
8. The empath will eventually raise their voice because they can no longer stand the devaluing ways of the narcissist. The empath starts to feel devastated because their emotional needs are not being met. When the empath realizes that they have been living in a delusion all the time, they will start to speak up their truth. The narcissist is not happy with this new turn of events.
9. The narcissist is someone who needs constant attention. They feel satisfied when people obsess with them. However, they can never be happy no matter how much attention and praise they get from others. They always need more. And the empath often fails to understand this.
10. When the empath finally decides to honestly talk about their feelings with the narcissist, the narcissist is quick to call them “crazy”, “delusional”, or “over-dramatic.” They would dismiss any of the empath’s efforts to save the relationship and they will try to manipulate them again to regain control.
11. For an empath, this behavior is impossible to understand. They would start blaming themselves for everything that is wrong in the relationship because the narcissist has them feeling like they are not good enough and they are not worthy of love.
12. The empath fails to understand that they are being manipulated once again. Narcissist has created a twisted way of reality in their minds. The empath is being gaslighted to a point where they cannot believe their own perception and sanity. They couldn’t see the truth that the narcissist is the one who is wrong and wicked, not they.
13. Every empath’s attempt to communicate honestly with the narcissist is pointless. Narcissist will always try to pass the blame to justify themselves.
14. The empath should know that it is completely okay and normal to feel confused, lost, defenseless, and deeply hurt. They need to do a lot of self-reflection and work on themselves to start feeling okay again.
15. Empaths are the healers of society.
They have the inner strength that is necessary for them to overcome any challenge that comes their way. They can alleviate other people’s pain as well as their own only if they are willing to do that.
16. The empath will eventually realize the bitter truth that the narcissist does not deserve their affection, love, and care. They must understand that not everyone who puts a sad face on is showing their true colors. There are many people out there who have vile motives and use many manipulative techniques to get what they want. The empath must face the brutal truth that not everyone who says “I love you” really means it.
17. In the above situation, the empath needs to understand that they are the actual victim in the relationship – not the narcissist.
18. When the empath realizes that the narcissist will never change – this would be a painful revelation and awakening for them. However, this is essential for the empath to move forward and put an end to the toxic relationship with the narcissist.
19. The narcissist will go on with their life as if nothing has happened. They won’t even remember the enormous love and appreciation that the empath has given them.
20. The narcissist will move on and find a new victim.
21. The empath will become wiser, stronger, and more cautious of to whom they give their love, time, and affection.
Can Empaths Become Narcissists?
Empaths are compassionate beings. They are not confrontational. They can undertake a lot of abuse and not say a word. However, when they reach their breaking point, they can change unexpectedly.
After dealing with so much abuse thrown at them, the empath can start detesting the narcissist, their tormentor. They will then want to destroy the narcissist’s ego that delusionally makes them feel powerful and in charge. The empath wants to fight against everything the narcissist is. So, in a way, the empath then becomes the narcissist’s narcissist.
They start mirroring the narcissist, turning cold towards them in order to destroy their ego.
Therefore, the reaction of the empath to the bullying and the disrespectful behavior of the narcissist is SILENCE. Eternal silence. Which can be seen as abusive as well, because they can get up and leave without an explanation. However, when it comes to narcissists, these tricksters don’t deserve an explanation. They knew what they were doing. They just feel hurt that they are being left out.
However, their “hurt” passes quickly as they find a new victim that they can abuse and mistreat. On the other hand, the empath who walks away is the winner in the game of life. And their silence means that they have won without uttering a word. And they walk away with their head high because their heart is pure.
Can A Narcissist Fall In Love With An Empath?
Can a narcissist love someone other than themselves? The truth is, narcissist is able to soothe themselves and tell themselves things that will help them protect themselves from the potential heartbreak. Narcissist pushes their loving feelings aside because they don’t want to feel them and be vulnerable.
In actuality, many narcissists do have a hard time letting go of a relationship and moving on because they don’t know how to heal their wounds. And when they try to come back and recover the relationship, they don’t know how to do that because they still refuse to show feelings and be vulnerable because that is what hurts them. It hurts them to reveal their vulnerability because that’s how they protect themselves from the potential pain. Plus, vulnerability to them equals being inferior and inadequate and they don’t want anyone to see them that way.
The narcissist shows love only at the beginning of a new relationship because then, having someone idealizing them and looking up to them, they do not feel so vulnerable. However, when the honeymoon phase is over, when their ideal partner starts showing them they are a real person, with flaws and insecurities, then the narcissist starts losing love and affection for them.
On the other hand, narcissists always want to protect their image of a ‘perfect’ man or a woman. Therefore, they avoid deep and intimate conversations with their partner because they don’t want to reveal their true self and they don’t want their partner to see them as less ‘perfect.’ The narcissist is someone who is constantly protecting the grandiose image they have of themselves and that is why they feel enraged when someone doesn’t give them the royal treatment.
The narcissist believes that those people who make them feel flawed are wrong, not realizing that the feelings of inadequacy they are feeling are because of them, not because of other people. Those bad feelings and beliefs exist in the narcissist, but the narcissist is not aware of them. And so, they tend to find faults in other people to protect themselves and escape from those feelings. So, the narcissist starts feeling victimized by other people’s maltreatment, and therefore, they start pushing away people who love them.
When a narcissist is hurt or wounded, they feel as the whole world is against them. So, they will either attack the person who hurt them or completely withdraw to escape the pain. But, what they are failing to realize is the amount of hurt they have done to the other person and the role they had in the breakup. Again, the narcissist has zero empathy for the feelings of the other person.
However, underneath their tough exterior, they cannot cope with their feelings of pain when they listen someone tells them how bad they are, and what mistakes they have made. Why? Because deep down, the narcissist is extremely self-critical. So, they run away from their feelings because they don’t want to feel bad about themselves and admit they are wrong.
This can cause extreme distress to their partner because they won’t know how to deal with the narcissist. Plus, the narcissist can use addictions to give them ego boost such as affairs, sexual addictions, gambling, always wanting to present themselves as the best and the wealthiest one to inflate their ego even though those things may not be true at all.
So, the narcissist will discard an empath who exposes them for who they are. Instead, they will choose an empath who will admire them and fulfill their wishes because the narcissist wants to feel powerful and perfect. However, no matter how good the empath makes the narcissist feel, the narcissist cannot fall in love with them because they run from love. For them, relationships are one-sided. It’s all about them and their needs. It’s all about them feeling special and important.
If you are an empath, you need to be strong and set healthy boundaries. You need to say NO to anyone who takes you for granted. You need to be bold and assertive and not let anyone step over your boundaries. You need to respect yourself and stay away from anyone who disrespects you in any way.
You must understand that the only way to heal the situation you are in is to get out of it. No matter how many months or years you have wasted, stop lying to yourself that things will change and leave. You can’t help someone who doesn’t think they have a problem. You can only be responsible for yourself and your own life.
You need to understand that some people don’t want to be fixed. They don’t want to change because they don’t see a problem with their behavior. So, leave them alone and go find what you deserve.
The world is filled with good and empathetic people like you. But unfortunately, the narcissist’s cold heart is not a safe place for you to land.
So, trust your instincts. What does your gut feeling tell you? Your intuition is warning you, and you should start listening to it. So, believe in yourself and wave goodbye to everyone who gives you anxiety and pain. Be your own best friend, and please, stop ignoring the red flags that are in front of your eyes.
And finally, learn to walk away from anything toxic.
Love and light.