Narcissists. We think we know everything about them. We have read about these individuals. We are familiar with their games and manipulative tactics. We know that a relationship with them equals a disaster and we’ll end up hurting ourselves. Still, ending the relationship with the narcissist is one of the hardest things that a person can do.
I have also struggled with ending a toxic relationship with a narcissist because of my empathy, compassion, and my ability to only see the good in people. And I also know many people who have ended the relationship not because they wanted to, but because the narcissist abandoned them, so they were forced to heal themselves. Plus, everyone can be a victim of abuse. No matter how confident, powerful, and secure a person may feel – anyone can be made feel unworthy and have their heart broken by a narcissist.
In a normal break up with someone you weren’t compatible with, everything will be handled with respect and mutual agreement. You won’t feel scared and stressed out. You won’t be afraid that you will see your partner with someone else the next day, nor will they try to get you back promising that things will be better only to break your heart once again. But, a relationship with a narcissist is not a normal one, and so, neither is the breakup. That’s why you should know how to safely remove yourself from their presence and influence.
The best way to break up with a narcissist is to stop all contact with them altogether. However, not many victims are able to do this, and they usually go back to the narcissist after a period of time. If you are able to do full No Contact then, by all means – do it!
But, for those that are not able to do that because the wounds are still fresh and they are confused, then the strategies I offer below can help them. Of course, bear in mind that some victims have children with their abusers, some live with them, some work with them, some share a business together… there are different situations and therefore there are also different approaches to the situation.
The first way you can do it is going cold turkey immediately i.e. you don’t wait for the perfect time to break up with them – you just do it! You do it swiftly and confidently. You do it even if you are breaking inside, even if your voice is shaking and you cannot breathe. You gather the courage and you do it because you know it’s for your own good and you love yourself enough to not allow anyone to continue hurting you.
This approach is recommended for those situations where there is physical or emotional violence happening. So, please be aware of any kind of possible violent behavior from the narcissist when you are breaking up with them. If you have children and you live together, collect your stuff, grab your children with you, and go to a friend or a family member. They will offer you all the support you need, and also remember to avoid any face-to-face arguments and confrontation with the narcissist.
Another method you can use if you live with the narcissist and have children with them is minimizing contact with them while taking care of yourself while you are creating a plan to leave. This means securing your finances, finding a place to live, getting a lawyer and filing for divorce, etc. However, be mindful that the narcissist may notice that you are backing off and may try to reel you back in. Don’t fall for it. Instead, pretend that you have a lot of work, that you are overwhelmed… anything that will calm the suspicions of the narcissist.
There is another method for victims that only need a push to break off their relationship with the narcissist. This is a method called the last straw. Meaning, you keep a journal of every abuse that has happened, you write down all the words they’ve used, all the ways they’ve hurt you and you promise yourself that if they hurt you once again – it’s over! No justification, no excuses. You will break up with them. This will give you motivation and the needed push to finally leave the narcissist.
Another ‘safe’ method is for the victim to become boring and uninteresting to the narcissist. You see, the narcissist is someone who is looking for excitement and high stimulation. So, by becoming boring and unappealing, they will be the ones to break it off and go after a new victim. This method is best to be applied in situations where the victim has daily contact with the abuser.
Finally, there is the take no shit method that is applicable in the early stages of dating. This is for confident people who don’t fear speaking up and standing up for themselves by telling the truth to the narcissist’s face. They can do this by a verbal discard, silent treatment, or complete indifference.
And remember, regardless of the method you use, always keep in mind that your goal is to end the relationship with the narcissist. That means, you stick to your plan in spite of what may happen. Because the narcissist may try to win you back because they cannot take the blow to their ego. You, however, must be strong and smart and never allow them back into your life.
Share this article with anyone who is struggling to get out of the relationship with an abusive person to help them with the process of safely removing themselves from the relationship and starting the healing process.
I am currently writing my first book titled “Inside The Narcissist’s Psyche: His Ability To Make Victims Stay With Him Even Though The Pain They’re Feeling Is Unbearable” If you are interested to take a glimpse at it, follow this link and tell us whether you like the subject so that we can send you a free chapter after we publish it.