There’s nothing more painful and devastating than finding a soulmate in a person with whom you can’t be with. There’s no pain greater than truly loving somebody who wasn’t meant for you.
How to let go of somebody you love who can’t be with you?
It’s a traumatic experience that I believe most of us have already gone through. Whether it was a close friend, or a co-worker, or just a person who came into your life, made you see things you haven’t and made you fall in love with them, but unfortunately wasn’t meant for you.
As entrepreneur Paul Hudson once said, “It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.”
Here are 10 effective ways that will help how to let go of someone you can’t be with:
1. ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHER
Staying in touch with a person you love but can’t be with is very hard. So, this is truly something only the strongest people will be able to survive. If you have the courage and strength to keep spending time with a person who will never be available for more than friendship, you possess balls made of steel.
However, sometimes it will be even more tempting than you imagined. Try to focus on simply having them in your life, even as a friend. Try to enjoy your time together, rather than obsessing about how bad you want to be with them.
2. SEEK OUT A HOBBY TO KEEP YOURSELF OCCUPIED
Try to aim your attention at something productive, a brand-new hobby, for example. Find the things you enjoy doing, the activity that drives you mad with passion, and dives into it.
Don’t make the mistake to dwell on dreams that didn’t come true. It is important to focus on your growth in order to keep going forward.
3. PROTECT YOURSELF
Being just a friend to someone you love is hard, but not entirely impossible. Be there for them, but learn to protect yourself. You can no longer leave yourself out in the open. When you feel like something is too much, choose to back off. Set the limits for yourself, so you don’t get hurt again.
4. ESTABLISH A SUPPORT SYSTEM THAT WORKS FOR YOU
When you can’t be with your heart’s desire, life can get pretty depressing. But, only if you let it. Make sure to reach out to your friends and seek for that much-needed support you were longing for. That way, whenever your spirits are low, you’ll have someone to turn to. (1)
Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer points out, “Allow yourself to be supported by your friends, even if you’re just going through the motions because it helps you jumpstart yourself into a new rhythm.”
5. BE REALISTIC WITH YOURSELF
Don’t allow yourself to get addicted to their presence. You have a life outside that relationship as well. Don’t let it become your craving weakness. Whenever these intense emotions overflow your brain, remind yourself: It’s either friendship or nothing. And make the decision.
If you decide to maintain your contact with them, make sure to enjoy your time spent together. However, don’t let your mind wander off to places that are forbidden and distract you from everything else in life.
6. LIMIT YOUR CONTACT WITH THEM
And if you feel that your heart is aching, and you simply cannot maintain a friendship with them, isolate yourself for a while. It is maybe time to stop your emotions from deciding and let your brain do it instead.
Limit your contact and take as much time as you need. It might be hard to take, but it is for the best. And if they really care about you too, they’ll understand.
Relationship and dating expert Ravid Yosef says, “… Leave them behind. Keeping the line of communication open, no matter how good of ‘friends’ you think you’ll be is only keeping the hopes of a relationship alive.”
7. START DATING OTHER PEOPLE
I’m not saying you should rush into a new relationship, but rather to open yourself to new opportunities. Allow yourself to live. Enjoy life. Meet people. However, it is important to never compare these people to “the one that got away”.
Because no one will ever be like them. And, that’s the beauty of it.
8. WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS
One effective method that will certainly help you endure the pain, is writing down your feelings. Whenever you feel like there’s a hurricane of emotions trapped inside of you, let them all out. Let your pen write the stories of your heart and feel the serenity within. Let the journal be your own personal therapist.
9. GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME TO GRIEVE
Experiencing the excruciating pain of unrequited love is a painful process. It feels like your heart has been cut in half. Feel free to take some time off and devote it to grieving.
It is always better to express your feelings and let everything out. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, do it. Shout from the bottom of your lungs. Don’t ever suppress your emotions.
10. TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL
Expressing your purest emotions to the person in question is the best way to get it off your chest. It is one of the best things you can do to cope with the situation and move on.
Do it without expecting anything from them. Be honest and let them know that your impossible love has caused you the greatest heartache of your life. You deserve closure and you deserve to be free.