A person who managed to get out alive of a harmful experience, a psychological or physical trauma will never be the same person ever again. It is an unforgettable experience. It is surviving hell.
So, a woman who has lived through a painful, childhood trauma lived through moments when her soul was ripped open. She struggled to save her body and heart from extremely dark and scary depths.
Depths in which she truly felt what cold means. Dark, morbid depths in which all the scariest monsters reside. The place where she first had her worth smashed to pieces, and hope destroyed. And all that was left was the pain.
But, even though she suffered and understood the real meaning of hell, she somehow found the exit door. She was hurt, but she kept on walking. The flames burned her skin, but she never let them take everything she had.
And she survived.
However, the funny thing about trauma is that it never really goes away. It is not that easy.
It grows on people. It becomes a part of the person’s life. Because it changes them, to the core. Whether it’s for better or for worse, they will never be the same person after a traumatic experience.
So, sometimes it comes and just screams in her ear. Loud. Deafening. Terrifying. Reminding her of every daunting moment, ever fear that makes her blood curl. It keeps on screeching like it is the scariest monster she ever imagined until she curls up with her hands on her ears begging for it to stop.
And there are times when it comes slowly. It creeps in without making a sound.
You know the feeling when you’re being watched from behind? Yes, that’s the one. She feels the breath in her neck. And she just knows that any minute now, it’ll attack her.
It is a boogeyman that comes to her in her dream. An inexplicable whisper that keeps repeating “You’ll never be the same again.”
So, when you love a woman – a survivor of trauma, you agree to help her heal her wounds. It means that you’re ready to accept her for what she is. It means that you are able to see the worth and light inside of her that somebody else tried to destroy.
It shows bravery. And determination. A determination to help that person grow and reach everything they once couldn’t.
When you agree to love and nurture a woman who has lived through trauma, you say yes to every bad and every good day. You accept to embrace her flaws and fears. And enjoy them.
Most importantly, you learn to deal with them. You learn to keep picking her up when she is not strong enough to do it herself. You accept to love all her broken pieces equally. You accept to share your strength with her, so she can keep moving forward.
I’m not saying that it won’t be hard. It takes a lot of time, energy, patience and pure, unconditional love. It takes the right person. The one who would be able to understand her crushed soul. And deal with all the consequences.
So, it is important to know, that loving a woman with this frightening experience isn’t a game. It is not an adventure. And it shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is not just another relationship. It is not just another girl you could win over with your cheap moves.
It takes a lot of commitment.
So, if you are determined to stay beside her, keep moving forward and never give up. Even when she seems unavailable. Even when you can’t understand her irrational thoughts.
Because when she finally realizes that you chose to fight for her, instead of abandoning her just like everyone else did, she will give you her entire heart. She will love you with the same kind of passion and will that she used in order to save herself from that fire.
She will show you every burn mark, every injury every little scar on her heart that life gave her as a memento of that terrible past experience.
Image: Lukas Wawrzinek