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The Sweet Taste Of Intimacy After The Butterflies Go Away In A Relationship


Ah, love. A sweet, pure emotion. An inexplicable infatuation.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been strangely drawn by another human being and we’ve all fallen head over heels in love for someone. It all begins with just one gaze at each other’s eyes. You look at them, they look at you and, at that moment, I swear it feels like you’re not there.

Your legs start to feel numb,as if there is no ground beneath you and you are floating. You are floating in 7th heaven, drifting somewhere above the clouds, in a dimension far far away from everything that you knew until then.

Your hands sweat, your legs shake, your heart starts racing and those caterpillars inside your tummy finally transform into butterflies. The tingling sensation is making you feel anxious and joyous, all at the same time. You know that this is a feeling you want to hold on to till eternity.

And at the beginning you do… You engage in a relationship and the butterflies are here. You can’t go a day without seeing them. You can’t even spend an hour without hearing their voice. The thought of looking deeply into their eyes sets your soul on fire. It feels as though their presence gives you a reason to live. You have nothing to worry about because you know that as long as you have that feeling, everything is good.

But then, time passes and with it, the butterflies go away.

Sadly, this is the phase where most people think that their relationship is over.

Well, let me tell you something.

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now. And I constantly get asked how I maintain the spark in my relationship. People like to know how it’s possible to spend that much time with another person and still love them the way you did when you first fell in love with them.

Simple. When you truly love someone, and I mean madly, deeply, genuinely love someone you don’t worry about whether the butterflies are here, or they’ve flown away.

To answer your question, yes, the butterflies are gone once you settle down with another person. Your palms no longer sweat, and your heart no longer speeds up. But, from that moment on you feel tranquility. You feel joy. Serenity. Security. The sweet taste of love and true intimacy.

You no longer sleep curled up next to each other every night. Instead, you sleep side by side, knowing that they’re always there. And every night you feel how they reach around you and pull you closer before they drift back to sleep. Because you make them feel safe. And that is the kind of security they need.

Kisses aren’t always passionate and fiery anymore. But, now there’s so much more than just that. Now there are “good morning” kisses, “call me when you get there” kisses, and “sweet dreams” kisses. Now there are soft kisses in the forehead, quick kisses before going to work and tender kisses that mean “You mean the world to me”.

You no longer confess your love to each other because now you are certain of it. You show it with everything that you do for them. You no longer feel the need to call them 5 times a day, because now they’re right next to you. Enjoying the life that you two have built together.

So, yes… you cannot expect your relationship to be a fairytale. That is the beauty of it. Those sparks and those butterflies at the beginning are only stepping stones to something even more meaningful. What follows after the butterflies is what really matters in life.

Stephanie Reeds