Why do we mistake them for something bad? Why do we avoid them thinking that having boundaries in a relationship means being afraid to love someone the real way?
Setting boundaries is the most important self-care practice in life. And no, contrary to the popular belief, boundaries do not interfere with the couple’s intimacy and spontaneity of the relationship. The act of setting healthy boundaries does not mean that you don’t love your partner. Actually, it’s quite the opposite.
If you want your relationship to flourish and be happy, you have to draw a line between yourself and your relationship. You have to make time for yourself and commit to yourself the same way that you commit to the relationship. You have to be able to feel free to express your emotions. To be exactly who you are. To enjoy your personal space without feeling guilty about it.
Having boundaries is defining where you end and your relationship begins.
Below are 6 reasons why the foundation of every healthy relationship is setting healthy boundaries:
1. Boundaries give you a sense of self. When we don’t have boundaries, we don’t belong to ourselves, but to others. We don’t pay attention to what we think, what we feel, or need in life. We don’t value ourselves the way we should. Instead, we take on other people’s feelings, thoughts, ideas, and beliefs and we do what they believe it’s best for us. This syndrome is called enmeshment. It means being connected with your partner on a level that is not healthy for you. Boundaries are the antidote to enmeshment.
2. Boundaries help you make the most important life decisions. They allow you to make more time for yourself and process everything on your own. To stop for a while and focus on yourself for a change. To really decide what’s best for you. To simply take care of yourself.
3. Boundaries give you the strength to stand up for yourself and train others to treat you with respect. It allows you to set the tone in every relationship that you develop with people. By letting someone know what is acceptable to you and what isn’t, you build a solid foundation for your relationship. You let others know that you won’t tolerate anything else but honesty, respect, and fair play. This is only possible through an honest and heartfelt conversation.
4. Boundaries keep you from being mistreated and taken advantage of. There is a line between you and the people in your life. A boundary. People can only cross when there is a mutual understanding. When they’re permitted to do that. Once they violate the boundary in order to do you harm, they no longer deserve to be a part of your life.
5. Boundaries give you the freedom to choose what’s best for you. To be yourself without having to explain yourself to someone. To live life by your own rules. To say YES to everything that makes your soul smile. To say NO to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and hurts you.
6. Boundaries make you independent. They give you your wings and your power back. They remind you that your life is only yours to live and only yours to decide how you’ll live it. Many people consider this selfish, thinking that being in a relationship means sharing absolutely everything with your partner.
The truth is, relationships are all of that. And that connection is exactly what constitutes a happy and successful relationship. But if you are not free to find your happiness first, to create the life of your dreams first, to pay attention to your needs and focus on your dreams first, you will never be able to build a happy and lasting relationship with another person. For happiness comes only from within.