Anxiety puts you in a cage. It hunts you down, ties you up, and locks you. It takes away your voice, your power, your self-confidence, your will, your strength to fight against it, and condemns you to a life of uncertainty.
That’s pretty much how I’ve felt for most of my life. I don’t know about you, but my anxiety has always made me feel like a burden. Like my existence is annoying people. It makes them regret they ever met me…
It sounds harsh as hell, but it is what I’ve always felt.
That’s how my anxiety has made me feel through the years. Like I am a waste of time.
It starts with you feeling uncomfortable being around a bunch of people and then as time passes it just keeps building up. You no longer feel okay texting your friends, even though you want to see them because somehow your mind is forcing you to think that they want nothing to do with you. You no longer want to meet new people, because you are convinced that you have nothing valuable to give to them. In your eyes, you are not enough. In fact, you are a loser. You don’t even want to make eye contact with a random person on the street, out of fear that they might notice that lost, insecure look in your eyes and ask you if you are ok.
It tricks you into feeling unloved. Like you are the only one fighting for the relationship, the only one actually bothering to make things work. It messes your mind and makes you wonder how your friends see you. It leaves you awake at night thinking about whether they secretly despise you or judge you, even though there is no obvious reason for that.
It tricks you into feeling rejected. It makes you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter and no matter what you say your input will never be appreciated by people. It takes away your voice and keeps your mouth shut. Because every time you try to say something, a little voice inside of you stops you, telling you that you are going to make a fool of yourself. It makes you feel misunderstood like you don’t fit in anywhere. Like nothing you say will ever make a difference. Like no one really cares about what you think or do. And it’s not like that. Deep down, you know it’s not. But your anxiety is what forces you to accept that reality and just stay quiet.
It tricks you into feeling unappreciated. It forces you to think that nothing you ever do can satisfy people’s needs. Like no one notices how much work you put into everything. It wraps its arms around you and makes you believe that no one cares how you feel. That no one has the time to talk to you and ask you how you are feeling. There’s this nagging feeling inside you that makes you feel like the people around you manipulate you and make fun of you with every gesture they make.
Anxiety tricks you into feeling like a burden. It takes away everything from you.
And every single day of your life is a frigging challenge. A fight for your life. A nightmare that feels like it’s never going to end.
But you know what? Anxiety is the greatest manipulator ever. Its lies are what keep it alive. Your fears are what help it grow even bigger. Your insecurities are what bring it back to life. Remember that. Remember it every time it comes creeping on you. Every time it tries to take away your power.
None of all those horrible things you think are true. No one is hating you or judging you as hard as you are judging and hating yourself. No one is really that much against you. You, my dear, are the only one standing between you and your happiness.