Home Love & Relationships The Brutal Truth Why Breakups Hurt Us So Much

The Brutal Truth Why Breakups Hurt Us So Much


Breakups are violent savage beasts. They can rip apart your heart and soul and leave you with an unbearable pain.

A lot of people believe that the pain is happening because of the loss of a partner. They think that their partner’s absence is what is causing all the pain and that if they could only bring back their partner all the pain would go away.

But this is usually not the case because the real reason goes way deeper than that.

We, as human beings, have some basic needs and desires. Some of them feed our physical needs (water, food, shelter) and others fuel our emotional desires (love, respect, appreciation). The trouble comes when we start craving for someone or something outside of ourselves.

We all want to be loved. It is a universal need that we have as people. And we go into relationships in order to have someone to love and love us back. Oftentimes, we fall in love with how that person makes us feel and not because of who they are as a person.

So, if you have a low self-esteem and self-love, then you might cling onto your partner to fulfill the void that you carry within you. Thus, your partner becomes your representation of self-love.

That’s why when they leave, you start feeling devastated and utterly shattered. You feel that way because they not only left you, but they took away something fundamental from you – your need to be loved and your self-worth.

The important thing here to remember is that it isn’t them you are missing. Instead, what you are longing for is the sense of emotional fulfillment and feeling loved.

So, don’t waste your time trying to figure out where things were wrong and what you can do to bring them back. You’ve broken up for a reason and the breakup means that they were not the right person for you.

You didn’t break up for anything you said or did. The breakup probably happened because you relied on them to provide you with something that only you can give to yourself.

And that is self-love.

You must love yourself so intensely and fiercely that you feel like there is nothing and no one that can come and make you feel happy and loved. Because you will already feel happy and loved. They can only complement you and enrich your already rich and fulfilling life even more.

You won’t be ready for experiencing real love until you reach that stage.

After all, you can’t pour from an empty glass.

And when you finally start loving yourself, you will no longer accept and fall for toxic and emotionally abusive relationships.

You’ll know your worth and you can move on from any painful experience with your head high. You’ll stop seeing breakups as personal failures, but as signs that your partner and you were not compatible. So, you’ll learn how to move on easily from the pain and into new experiences.

Mary Wright