Relationships are formed when two people are attracted to each other. The key word is ‘attraction’ because other feelings such as loyalty and love may or may not develop later, but ‘attraction’ is the first thing we need to start a relationship with someone.
So, what makes us attracted to someone? Sure, it is different for anyone, but sometimes the attraction can be toxic to us. We can feel an attraction and connection to someone who is completely wrong for us.
If you too are guilty of often getting attracted to people who are toxic to you, you are not alone. And here are some reasons why you might keep pursuing someone whom you are certain will break your heart.
1. You Feel Connected to Them
This is an indescribable feeling. You just feel that you are connected to them and you begin to see yourself in them. You can relate to them and you believe that they understand you on the same level that you do.
Unfortunately, you can’t completely understand their problems and relate to them. There is a reason why someone is the way they are, and usually, it has nothing to do with you. A person might be toxic to you only because they are going through something in their lives and they are not in a state to form a stable relationship.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should wait for them to get over their issues. No. Relationships require equal effort from both partners and mutual understanding.
2. You Think That They Can Change with Your Help
This is probably the main reason why many people decide to stay in toxic relationships. They love and care for the other person that they (falsely) believe that their love for them will change them. They see every red flag, but they still want to be there to help them deal with their issues.
If you too feel this way, please don’t. Don’t expect them to change. They never do. And it is not your job to turn an emotionally unstable person to a loving partner.
3. You Think It’s You, Not Them
When a relationship falls apart, it is a normal thing to take into account any factors that may have caused the (inevitable) breakup, like conflicts, different time schedules, not spending enough time together, commitment issues and so on.
And it will be soon when you will start to second guess yourself whether you have been good enough. You might even start thinking that it was all your fault. It wasn’t, trust me.
You can’t be the only person responsible for the problems. And the toxic person will make you believe that. They will blame you for everything. Don’t do this to yourself. Relationships should be based on respect and mutual trust and both partners should take full responsibility for their actions.
4. Others Compel You to Go Back
If you ask me, this one shouldn’t be even a reason, but unfortunately, it is. Our close people don’t want to see us hurt and broken. So, when we break up with the toxic person and we feel an immense amount of pain – it wouldn’t be long when they say to us that we can always go back to them, that we don’t have to go through all this.
And this is a tricky situation. Because at that moment we would start to really question ourselves and our decision. We will start thinking that maybe we have made a mistake, that they deserve another chance.
Please, do yourself a favor and don’t fall into this trap. A toxic person is a toxic person and you can do nothing about it. You will only hurt yourself more in the process of giving them chances to change.
5. You Believe That What You Two Have Is A Real Love
People often confuse love with infatuation. You may falsely think that what you and your partner have is real love even when it is far from love. When you need to constantly overthink and second-guess it is not love.
But oftentimes we are not ready to accept the harsh truth and we like to believe that our love is truly special and worth fighting for.
However, a relationship with someone who is wrong for us is a relationship that we should get out from. And as soon as possible. It can’t be a true love when partners are toxic for one another.