Everything is exactly the same as the day you left. My tears are still running down my cheeks, my heart is still aching for you, my soul is still weeping for your presence, my arms are still searching for you and my body is still craving your touch. And I am right there where you left me. Curled up in my favorite blanket, which somehow still smells of you. The same song keeps playing over and over again.
There’s only one thing missing. Your presence. Your voice. Your energy warming up our place just the way those soft, morning sunrays filled our room with sunlight. Those three words that you used to whisper to my ear. Your breath on my neck. Your soft embrace. You.
I miss hearing you say that I am the only person in the world for you. I miss falling in love with you over and over again. I miss feeling calm and loved in your presence. But, most importantly, I miss those times when I was sure that all of that was real.
And yes, I meant that no matter how stupid or bad it sounded. I miss those careless years of my life when I actually felt loved. I know that I’ve probably hit rock-bottom by saying this, but I somehow feel that right now, I would give anything for you to come back and lie to me that all of this was just a stupid mistake.
I know that my heart would forgive you instantly, and I would probably let you back into my life without even thinking. I’ll be angry, but I would give you a second chance for sure.
I could probably do all of that and more. I could fall down on my knees, throw away what’s left of my dignity and let you in like nothing ever happened. I could beg you to come back and use me whenever you feel like it. I could convince myself that it’s better to be suffering with you than suffering without you. I could keep lying to myself that you love me.
But, here’s the thing.
Deep down I know that doing these things will never help me learn my lesson. It won’t heal my wounds. It will never help me accept the fact that everything in this life happens for a reason. It won’t give me the chance to understand that even though I don’t know the reason for my heartbreak now, sooner or later, I will see that it was all just a part of my journey. It just won’t help me reveal my destiny.
That is why I am determined to let you go. I am ready to release myself from the memory of you. Because even though it may take some time, I know that sooner or later I will recover. I know that one day I will wake up and you won’t be the first thing that pops into my mind. I know that one day I will rebuild my world and you won’t be a part of it anymore. I know that one day I will find myself and I will realize that all of that pain that I was carrying inside actually made me stronger.
Sooner or later, that day will come, and I will be better.
I will forget how it feels to miss you. The bittersweet memory of your eyes caressing my skin will fade away. I will forget the feeling of your warm embrace. I will forget the pain of fighting for someone who doesn’t care.
One day, I will find what I deserve, and you will no longer haunt me.
It will take me some time to get there, but I will make it. Because guess what? I may be broken, but I never gave up on life after you. You did not take my hopes and dreams with you. You only made me stronger.
