Depression. A mental illness that it’s taking over the worlds of thousands of innocent individuals. It is the plague of the 21st century. It is the scariest monster you’ve ever imagined.
Masked into your worst possible fear it will slowly come crawling inside your mind and in no time, you’ll feel hopeless.
Depression is being wide awake in the morning but too tired to get out of bed. It’s seeing your friends drifting away, not because they left you, but because you ignore them.
Depression it’s hating yourself for not being able to enjoy the bright, spring day. Because no brightness resides inside you anymore. There’s only a dark, scary void.
It comes slowly creeping in. You start struggling with everyday tasks but choose to ignore it. You say to yourself it’s just like a stupid, boring headache and maybe it’s just not your day. “It’ll pass, I’m just tired.”
But, it doesn’t. You continue with your life and become stuck in that particular state of mind. You start feeling detached from everything around you and you suddenly hear a loud buzzing noise inside your head. You feel like it will drive you crazy. It’s a white inexplicable noise that disturbs you.
You try to explain yourself to people, but all you get is “It’s all in your head” … And whether you like it or not you get used to putting a social mask, a nice, fake smile and you continue living among other people because that’s what you’re supposed to do.
Because that’s what everybody’s doing. They suck it all up and live.
But for what? Why would you keep trying if nothing makes you happy anyway?
Everything you’ve ever dreamt to achieve is no longer worth it. All the satisfaction is long lost. Even the simplest, small tasks become painful as hell. Your head is like a balloon full of perplexing thoughts just about to explode.
As days go by, it just keeps getting worse. Especially because everywhere you turn there’s only plain nothingness. The world goes by, but you remain motionless. And the saddest thing is… you couldn’t care less to get a hold of it.
You become caught up in a vicious cycle. The feeling of emptiness is overflowing your body and mind. And you continue to back up. You start destroying all of your relationships.
Yes, there’s a part of you that want to make things right again, a certain positive urge that wants to go out and meet new people and give it another chance. However, the fear of another failure is just too much for you to handle.
So, you decide to stay all alone by yourself, inside your comfort zone, where no one would ask you any questions. But no matter how convenient the silence is, the daunting thoughts seem like they can crack open your head.
You feel like you just need to talk to someone. You need to find someone to whom you could explain the perplexing madness inside your head.
A person who won’t judge you and a person who would just say “It’s fine.”; “I know what you are going through.”
You know what it all comes down to. You either decide to face the scariest demons inside yourself or you try to harm yourself.
And the second one scares you to death. The thought that something so terrifying crossed your mind makes you feel like you’ve lost total control over yourself.
But, believe me. It is fine. Don’t be afraid. Don’t let that thought frighten you.
NO, you’re not going crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfectly okay. In fact, my darling, you are brave. You decided to face whatever inhabits you, no matter how blood-curdling it might appear to be.
Because the only way to continue living with yourself is accepting and facing your demons. It will be frightening and horrible, but once you do it, you’ll be able to let go.
If you, yourself are struggling with this issue, never hesitate to seek help. I know there is hell inside your head, and rarely anyone can comprehend that madness, but you are so much stronger than this. I know you are. Please, stay brave.