I have finally accepted the fact that you are not good for me and that I should let go of you. So, this is me – finally letting go of you and closing the door on us.
I am not really sure when it happened. It could be after the hundredth time something important happened to me and I wanted to tell you about it only to realize that I can’t reach you. It could be during the long sleepless nights when I was thinking of you, but you were never there with me. It could be all the times I was left wondering where you are and whether you will take me and our relationships seriously. Or, it could be the finality of our goodbye the last time we saw each other… I could feel it that this was our last time together.
And it was during that time that I realized that I cannot do that to myself anymore. I cannot keep my life on hold and wait for you. I cannot allow my life to pass me by. I need to take care of myself. So, this is me – saying goodbye to you and moving on.
And this decision wasn’t a sudden one. You were losing me every day when I was left to face yet another day without you near me. You were losing me every time I had to go to dinner and birthday parties alone. You were losing me each time I opened my eyes and you were not lying next to me. You were losing me every time you chose to be on your own rather than be with me.
And every time, I knew I had to move on. Only, it was too difficult and painful to do it. But now I have finally come to terms with the ending. I have finally accepted the truth that you and I don’t belong together.
After everything I went through, after all the tears and heartbreak, I had to do this for myself. I had to let you go. Because, let’s face it: if we were meant to be together, we would have been by now. Now, I will focus on myself and on my goals. I would start building myself up from scratch. I will fall in love with myself again and enjoy my own company.
I will sit in silence and listen to my heart. I will follow my passions and I will get excited by life again. I will spend time with my friends who motivate me and make me happy. I will heal. And I will become a better person because of it.
And one day, the thought of you wouldn’t hurt me. One day, I will feel nothing.