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In The End, I Only Regret Loving You More Than I Loved Myself


I don’t regret meeting you. I don’t regret being with you and falling in love with you. I only regret losing myself in the process and allowing your toxic love to consume me.

How can I regret something that once made me feel so alive? How can I regret meeting you when you were the one who changed me into the person I am today? No, it wasn’t you who did that. I am the guilty one because of the way I allowed you to consume me and let your toxic love get inside my mind, heart, and body because I believed in you. I believed that what we had was special.

I don’t regret choosing to love you and being with you. I only regret forgetting about myself and my needs. When I fall in love with someone, I don’t hold back. When I am with someone, that someone becomes a part of me. I love everything about that person. I loved everything about you. I chose you every single day. I was there for you. My mistake, sadly, was choosing you over myself. I loved you more than I loved myself. I was saving you, not realizing I was destroying myself in the process.

I don’t regret putting you first, I regret believing that you would do the same for me. I foolishly believed that the more love I gave to you, the more love I’d receive back. I truly believed that my love will have the power to heal your heart and change you for the better. I thought that because of everything I was giving you, all the love and support, you will never leave and break my heart. But, you did.

I don’t regret letting you in, I regret letting your toxic love destroy me. I will never regret being with you because at one point you were everything I wanted. For a while, you made me feel the happiest person alive. For a moment, I thought what we had was special and we will always be together. I don’t regret the memories. I only regret letting your behavior and your toxic love break my heart. I regret staying with you, wishing you would change, instead of choosing myself and leaving you the first time you broke me. I regret helping you heal while I was destroying myself.

I don’t regret loving you, I regret not loving myself. Perhaps, if I loved myself more, I wouldn’t be so broken. Perhaps if I chose myself instead of you, I would have walked away sooner and never turned back. And maybe, if I didn’t trust you the way I did, I would have been the first to say goodbye instead of looking at you – closing the door and leaving me like I was disposable.

I gave you everything – my mind, my body, and my heart. I gave you my love. And you threw everything away. You broke my heart and bruised my soul. You perplexed my mind and made me feel like I was losing my sanity.

Luckily, now, I healed myself. Now, I know who I am and what I deserve. And I will never let anyone abuse you as you did. I will never love anyone more than I love myself.

Mary Wright