People say don’t regret anything.
They say, at one time you were exactly where you wanted to be.
But, as much as I want to understand this, I can’t. As much as I want to forgive myself for making the biggest mistake of my life, I can’t stop being angry with myself.
How the hell did I get so hooked up that I became blind to the bitter truth?
When I first met you, your eyes spoke the tales of your kindness, and your smile glistened with humbleness. You were the most wonderful, most exceptional human being I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.
I swear, it felt too good to be true.
And, after a long period of time, it turned out it all was too good to be true.
I immediately fell for you. I mean, who wouldn’t?
But, little did I know that it was all part of your vicious game. It was all a skillful act to get me hooked. It was all a lie. A sweet, convenient, tailor-made lie to make me eternally addicted to you.
And, just like a moth drawn to a flame, I burned myself. I felt the pain of your lies burning my body. I felt your manipulation games scratching the surface of my skin like a razor knife. I felt your deception like a freezing December blizzard.
But, it was already too late. When I finally realized what I’ve put myself into, it was too late, because I was too deep. I was lost in your maze of trickery, desperately searching for a way out.
It was hard… but after a long period of suffering, I escaped.
I am now free, but there’s still a raging war inside of me.
I’m furious with myself for being so foolish, so needy to let a guy like you seduce me and drive me crazy.
I thought I knew better.
I’m mad at myself for being so vulnerable in front of you. Especially for revealing every sacred part of my soul to you. I feel like now you have the key to every fragment of my existence and you can come back whenever you want.
I feel like it doesn’t really matter that I left and deleted you from my life. Because, if I learned anything about you, that is the fact that you’re somehow invincible. You have a secret power, hidden in your irresistible charisma, your enchanting eyes, and seductive voice.
You’re still here.
And it haunts me.
The fact that I undressed my soul naked in front of a person whose only desire was to possess me, control me and break me – that I will never forgive myself.
But, let’s look at the brighter side and let’s not forget that life takes but it also gives. I was taught the most valuable lesson in life.
You should never settle for anyone who treats you like ordinary.
So, to all of you fighting the same battle… It is hard, but try to find it in your heart to forgive yourself. It is painful, but you need to accept your mistakes and learn from them. You are a beautiful soul who deserves to experience everything this life has to offer.
Please, don’t ever give up.