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If You Want Real Connection, You Have To Learn To Express Your Emotions

If You Want Real Connection, You Have To Learn To Express Your Emotions

Why do people nowadays feel that not expressing their feelings is the right thing to do in a relationship?

Why do we think that when it comes to love, suppressing our emotions is the way to go?

Because society taught us that this is the only way to appear strong, that’s why.

This is an idea that has been introduced to us from a very young age. I won’t generalize, however, I am certain that most of us didn’t grow up in a household where we could openly communicate our feelings and express our true selves. Personally, I had a very rough childhood myself.

As a kid, I was never encouraged to identify and accept my emotions. My parents considered crying a weakness. They yelled at me when I felt vulnerable. They never tried to understand how I feel deep inside. They never validated my feelings. And, so I never learned what’s like to really express myself openly and have someone accept me for who I am.

That’s exactly what brought me face to face with my greatest struggles in life.

I always thought that my emotions are my own burden and no one else’s. I was too afraid that my problems(feelings) may threaten my relationships, so each time I tried to find ways to repress them and deal with them later. And so I did.

I never asked for what I needed and what I wanted. I didn’t complain about anything and I didn’t demand things. I didn’t want to nag my partners. Every unpleasant feeling I had in me I kept it for myself, for I was too afraid of confrontation. The root of it all was my fear of destroying my relationships… But all the while, the only thing that I was destroying was my life really.

It took me a lot of time to realize what I’d done to myself, but I did.

I learned the hard way.

Inhibiting yourself, suppressing your emotions and depriving others of the opportunity to really get to know you is not the way to go. At least not if you want a healthy, intimate, fun and loving relationship.

The only way to reach real intimacy is through openness.

Self-expression. Authenticity. Vulnerability. Honesty.

If you want a healthy and stable relationship, the first thing you have to do is consider your feelings. In other words, to accept yourself for who you are. Only then, you can expect others to accept you and eventually fall in love with the real you.

Because the root of every healthy relationship is committing. With each and every part of your soul and being.

A healthy relationship means communicating and constantly learning about our partners. It means sharing what bothers us and what suits us. It means talking about things that make our hearts smile. It means being completely open to each other and expressing exactly how we feel.

That is how you create a nurturing and loving environment for you and your partner to grow. There’s no other way. No short-cut. No easier alternative.

Self-expression means self-love. And it is the gateway to deep, all-consuming and real intimacy.

So, please. Stop bottling your emotions thinking that doing that will make you stronger. It won’t. It is time to finally free yourself from the cage that you’ve made for yourself and just be who you are. Emotional, vulnerable, weak, flawed, different. It is finally time to let yourself be seen and heart.

And to do that, you have to learn to express your emotions first.

Stephanie Reeds