Love should have no shape, no boundaries, and no condition. If you can really understand this, then you will not spend any minute of your life hurting and wallowing in self-pity again. Because the main relationship killer is the attachment. It’s the evil little thing which is disguised as love first and then becomes needy and jealous.
This attachment is also known as co-dependency and it can make you think that you cannot live without the subject of your love and affection. This becomes dangerous for both you and your partner because you will most likely forget about the importance of yourselves and your needs in the process of pleasing your loved one because the sensation feels so good and intoxicating.
However, if you love unconditionally, then the pain that comes from attachment won’t affect you. Because loving unconditionally means accepting people just as they are. When you don’t accept your partner completely and you try to change them that is usually how any toxic relationship begins.
So, how can you love unconditionally and without attachment?
First, ask yourself what you felt during the first few days after you’ve met your loved one. If you have trouble remembering your first feelings and experiences with your loved person, then this is a red flag.
Because, when you experience the first feelings of being in love, you feel extremely happy and free. All of your senses get heightened and you become more aware of everything around you. Everything will just fall into place and will be right.
This is why it is so important to try and remember those feelings and how they affected your life, how they enhanced your appreciation for everything in your life, and how happy you were just thinking about the person you love.
Second, you should come to terms with the fact that love is unmeasurable, thus everlasting.
When you really love someone, your love for them shouldn’t know boundaries. You should be able to love them so purely and wholeheartedly that just the mere thought of them makes you happy and satisfied.
When you attach yourself to someone with whom you crave being together all the time, you forget about yourself and you and your partner’s need for solitude and alone time. And this is very dangerous for your relationship.
When you accept the fact that love has neither end nor boundaries, then you can fully grasp it and you can understand the importance of having your own space and freedom.
Third, unconditional love means accepting all the imperfections of your partner and yours as well.
Unconditional love realizes that no one and nothing is ever perfect. And that is okay. Being imperfect is actually perfection. Because, an attachment is judgmental, critical, jealous, controlling, serious, and insecure. It’s the road to suffering.
When you love someone unconditionally, you will never risk getting attached to them. Unconditional love means loving everything about them, from their skew tooth or their weird toe to the way they drink their coffee.
And last but not least, unconditional love is all-encompassing.
This means that you must be a whole person too. This love includes you as well. You can’t pour from an empty glass. You must love and accept yourself first before you can love and accept someone else.