An important part of growing up is the period when our ‘little’ ones, our children and teenagers, often behave in a way that pushes our limits. They try to explore their importance and find their independence in various ways, some of which are not so adorable or naïve.
So, we might yell at them and say things that we will regret later. We know deep inside that yelling and belittling our children is not good parenting, but sometimes we get so frustrated and angry that we forget everything and we throw a tantrum at them.
However, if you want to have an influence over their behavior, then you should start connecting with them in order to correct the. Here’s how correction through connection works.
Our children perceive yelling as a threat, and when the brain perceives something as a threat, the body goes into fight or flight response. And when the body is in this state, the prefrontal cortex of the brain responsible for the thinking process shuts down. And when the rational part of the brain is being shut down, children cannot learn anything. That’s why trying to teach them something through raising your voice is never a good idea.
Our children are no different from us. When we yell at them, humiliate them, shame them, they immediately get in the defensive mode and will shut us down when we need them the most to listen to us.
And if you are thinking that your children know how much you love them and that what you are saying to them is for their own good, then you should know that their brain perceives shouting as an attack and they feel unsafe. That’s why staying connected with your kids is essential if you want to keep the bond you have with them strong.
Your children need to feel safe. They need to know you are there for them. They need to know you love them. Discipline and correction of the behavior are never about punishment.
Finally, our children will make a lot of mistakes, but so will we. At the end of the day, the important thing is to continue to love them despite everything.