If you’ve heard about narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy, or even worse experienced it first hand, you’re probably familiar with why the word codependency is usually linked to all of these mental disorders.
By definition, codependency is unhealthy, and usually a harmful dependence on relationships. Codependent people do everything in their power to avoid the feeling of loneliness. As a result, their guilt and extreme need for approval force them to settle for just about anyone. They crave attention and they fear solitude.
If you are currently experiencing an abusive relationship, this may sound way too familiar to you. It may even make you think that you completely fit the description above. What’s worse, it may even convince you that you are the one who has brought all of this on yourself.
However, before you go way too deep into self-blaming, let me clear up some misconceptions about codependency and abusive relationships.
Being codependent is not an evil or a pathological characteristic. This vulnerable condition is usually a consequence of our past experiences. A behavior that we’ve somehow learned. A state of mind that we have reached as a result of some unresolved issues, and repressed traumas.
The cases may vary from person to person.
Some people develop it from struggling with toxic and dysfunctional families, others from repeating the same bad relationship pattern. Luckily, there are thousands of methods out there that can help us become aware of our condition and start building our boundaries.
But, if you’ve experienced one toxic relationship and you’re exhibiting a certain codependent behavior, I would like to ask you to stop and think about it before you start labeling yourself as a codependent victim.
Listen to me. Psychopaths manipulate. They know exactly how to trigger those feelings of guilt, anxiety, extreme dependence, manic addiction and jealousy in you. If you’re feeling that way, then they’ve achieved exactly what they wanted.
The most important thing you need to realize is that being codependent, fragile, vulnerable or insecure should never be the reason for being psychologically abused or manipulated. No one on this earth deserves to be punished or exploited because of who they are. Psychological abuse is always wrong.
The harsh truth is, psychopaths love to put the blame on their victims. This gives them power. It helps them rise to the top and take total control over their victim’s lives. They enjoy pitying their victims while screaming in their faces about how they’ll never heal or evolve if they don’t take the blame for every bad thing that they’ve experienced.
But, here’s something truly important we should always remember. What these ignorant, toxic and abusive human beings usually don’t understand is the fact that it is 100% possible to overcome the disturbing and traumatic state of codependency and heal on your own without accepting the blame for something that wasn’t your fault.
Everyone can get out of that horrible state of codependency without actually taking the responsibility for another person’s nightmarish behavior. You don’t owe anything to anyone.
Every single person on earth has different experiences, different painful mistakes that they are regretting for, and more important, different past traumas that still affect them.
Considering this, we should all acknowledge the fact that the process of healing can never be the same for every person out there.
If a person means that their previous nightmare of a relationship has made them a codependent victim, that doesn’t mean that it is the truth.
Likewise, a codependent person shouldn’t lose their hope for a better future and recovery.
It’s never too late for that first, inital step, if we’re truly determined to make a change.