Home Psychology 6 Types Of Cool Loneliness And Why It Is So Important

6 Types Of Cool Loneliness And Why It Is So Important


Is being enlightened the ultimate loneliness?

“To be without a reference point is the ultimate loneliness. It is also called enlightenment.”

Not having a reference point in life is something that we struggle dealing with because a mind with no reference point is not fixed.

To live a life without a reference point means not deciding to go left or right, but rather sticking to a limbo – a detox center where we feel alone, edgy, and frustrated because we feel like we don’t have a path in life.

And the process of “becoming unstuck” is a painful one because we are basically changing our DNA by changing our perceptions of reality. We are unsticking ourselves from a pattern that is deeply engraved in our psyche.

We, as human beings want to be able to solve things. We are looking for resolutions. Even more so, we feel that we deserve resolution. But at the same time, we suffer from it. We don’t need resolution – we need something better than that.

We need a middle ground – an open state of mind that can relax in stressful situations.  

Unfortunately, during moments of feeling devastated and hopeless, all we want to do is change something. We cannot just sit there and feel those feelings. We have an urge to move and do something about it. Find a resolution. But, the middle way tells us that we need to just sit still and let our thoughts come and go. It is an experience that definitely will awaken the bravery in us.

Loneliness and heartache are not things that we wish to experience. However, when we are in that relaxed state of being at peace with loneliness, we go through these 6 types of “cool loneliness.”


Lack of desire happens when we are willing to be lonely without expecting others to make us happy. When we practice the lack of desire, something shifts in us. We still feel lonely, but the loneliness is no longer affecting us like it used to. We stop being restless and wanting to do something about it. That’s the path towards bravery. Because the less we feel restless and off-balance, the more we are satisfied with the feeling of “cool loneliness.”


This is a state of being content with everything we have. After all, when we have nothing, we have nothing to lose. We tend to feel lonely when we fear that we might lose something. Contentment is, in fact, a synonym for loneliness, a synonym for a cool loneliness and settling down with it. It’s giving up on the idea that we must be always doing something or having something in order to be fulfilled.


When we feel lonely, we tend to look up for some activities that can “save us” from feeling lonely. We may hang out with friends and relatives to avoid the feelings of pain and loneliness. Those escapes are unnecessary activities. But, can we just sit still and respect out feelings? Can we escape from the loneliness by being our own company? Because relaxing with loneliness is something that will help you find your true meaning.


This means that no matter happens, we can go back to the present moment. We can sit still, be alone, and be okay with it every time. This type of loneliness is called complete discipline. And by sitting still we can realize how things actually are and reach a completely unfabricated state of being.


This is another way of describing ‘cool loneliness.’ It’s about being able to see things as they really are. Because loneliness is not a problem really. It is not something that we need to solve quickly. It is an experience like any else and being able to ‘sit still’ is often the solution to everything that we might experience.


‘Cool loneliness’ is not allowing our mental chat to disrupt our inner peace. And instead of looking for security in our thoughts, we are asked to just hear those thoughts and let them go without doing anything. It is dropping our ideas of who we think we want to be, or who we think we ought to be, and who we think other people want us to be.

So, next time you start feeling lonely out of nowhere, remember to not beat yourself up thinking that something terribly wrong is happening. Just relax and stay present at the moment. Try to calm your mind and wait until those feelings pass.  

Mary Wright