When everything good that you have ever believed about humans proves untrue, when every good thought you’ve had about loyalty and trust is contradicted and denied and your idea of true love and partnership is shattered to pieces – it’s hard to get over it.
Many psychologists agree that in the majority of the concluded relationships after everything is said and done, there comes a sense of peace and a readiness to move on and start over. And with that calmness, people start remembering the good memories but they are okay with the memories. The memories don’t hurt them.
However, this doesn’t happen with a narcissist. With a narcissist, there are no cherishing the good memories and wanting to move on peacefully because every promise they’ve given you, everything you ever believed about your connection with them has been burned to the ground.
When you break up with a narcissist, you are not recovering from a breakup and loss from a failed relationship, but from warfare. That’s why many survivors of narcissistic abuse use the term “shell-shocked” to describe their experience in the aftermath.
Here are 4 reasons why everyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse finds it difficult to recover from it.
1. NOTHING WAS THE WAY IT SEEMED
This is a difficult thing to deal with because what appeared to be a love connection between two souls was only about the narcissist. Once the victim realizes this, they will start replaying the memories trying to find what was real and what was not. This in itself is crushing and wounding enough and it leaves them into the next point.
2. THE MISERY OF 20/20 HINDSIGHT
The red flags that everyone talks about, those signs that every intelligent person should see from the beginning – you missed. And it’s very painful and devastating to find that you have willingly allowed the narcissist to use you and abuse you, making you believe that you are the ‘crazy’ one. This makes the victim susceptible to relieve all the painful memories again and again and blaming themselves for not leaving when the red flags were right in front of their eyes.
3. THE VICTIM FEELS LIKE A FOOL
Everyone is inclined to feel as something should definitely be wrong with them for staying in a relationship with a narcissist. The victims often tell themselves that only someone as gullible and stupid as they are could have fallen into the narcissistic trap. It’s one thing to feel responsible for not leaving sooner and realizing the mistakes you’ve made, but it’s another thing to beat yourself up for being with the narcissist in the first place. Don’t do it.
4. THE VICTIM FEELS UTTERLY DEVASTATED AND POWERLESS
A narcissist is someone who wants control to feel powerful. Therefore, for a narcissist to be able to do that, they need someone they can push around and abuse. That’s why it is very hard for the victim to remain emotionally balanced after spending so much time under the narcissist’s whip.