Home Love & Relationships Your Thirties Are About Discovery, They Are Not About Peer Pressure

Your Thirties Are About Discovery, They Are Not About Peer Pressure

Your Thirties Are About Discovery, They Are Not About Peer Pressure

You see all your friends getting married by the end of their twenties and you think your turn is coming any minute now. It’s just around the corner, you say. But somehow that turn of yours hasn’t managed to arrive yet or you keep turning corners.

You thought you would be married at least by 28, you thought you would have that thing figured out in your life.

Now you are 32 and thinking about your love life. At 24, you were somewhat picky, so now you blame yourself for why you were like that. Thus, going out with your friends who are all married and have kids makes you feel anxious and uncomfortable. 

They are asking all the “right” questions. How’s that love thing going on? What happened to that Tinder guy you were dating? When do you plan to get married, like, what’s wrong with you? Time is ticking: tick tock… tick tock. Those 3-letter words are hammering in your head and you can’t help but feel miserable and unaccomplished.

But let’s reconsider the situation here.

First, your friends should know this is a sensitive matter and they shouldn’t be so reckless and inconsiderate.

Second, your love life isn’t the only thing happening in your life, hell, it shouldn’t even be the only thing happening in your life. Your work, your trip to Egypt or wherever, you buying a car all by yourself still matter and are wonderful achievements. You can learn and experience so many things without being married, and guess what – the value of those things will still be the same.

It’s not: she travels a lot to avoid dealing with her emotional void, it’s: wow, so awesome you visited Malaysia, tell us how was it? 

Your friends and family should be more supportive of you instead of giving you a hard time. It takes courage to stay single instead of being stuck in a relationship that’s not going anywhere. Don’t hesitate even for a second whether you did the right decision by staying single, much rather, start thinking about rejecting the pressure social media is burdening you with.

Not everyone who posts pictures on Instagram has a happy and fulfilling life, it’s the other way around. It’s those that spam you with pictures of their amazing life that have the need to compensate for the void they feel inside.

After all, you may be in a relationship, but what if that relationship is a toxic one? You may be married, but what if that marriage is on the verge of falling apart, and you are hiding that by posting, say, a group photo for Christmas in which you are with matching outfits when in fact your marriage is a plummeting disaster because of problems you detected while being in your twenties but decided to muffle because hey, being single sucks.

I say screw social media. Screw social pressure, peer pressure…just pressure in general. No one should tell you what your perfect timing is going to be, and no one should tell you what you should do with your life.

32 and still single? 35 and still single? No kids? Sure. We are not the same. We have different paths. Imagine a life narrowed down to a strict formula. College degree at 22, marriage at 25, kids at 27, more kids at 30…it’s not much of an entertaining life, is it? It’s a life that would make you want to bang your head against the wall out of boredom. Because life isn’t about forcing things, it’s about spontaneity. It’s about discovery.

Don’t enter a phase of low spirits, don’t despair for not being in a relationship or being married yet.

You are brave for not choosing a random person to get married to out of fear. You are brave for trying to stay real in a world so scared of being alone. You are brave in a world that does not make a difference between alone and lonely.

When the time comes, you will find the right person for you and you will be happy. Unforced happiness surpasses the fake happiness presented by social media, and you, my dear, deserve nothing less than that.

Nora Connel