Humans are like onions. The more you peel an onion, the more layers it uncovers. Yup, it’s the same with us. We have countless layers of emotions, worries, opinions, insecurities and countless layers of different priorities. We are so complex.
Getting married is a trend that seems to be on the rise. And it’s beautiful. But there is so much more to life than that, which is why I wanted to tackle this notion today, not the onions. Marriage shouldn’t be the go-to thing when you have nothing else going on in your life, because there are other, also very important things to learn in life before plummeting to marriage:
1. WHO ARE YOU?
Before saying the life-changing yes, make sure you know who you are and what you want to achieve in life. Make sure you have spent enough time alone to understand your goals and your priorities in life. Your likes and dislikes. You need to realize what you can tolerate and what you can or can’t live without in order to find the partner that is good enough for you.
2. YOUR TYPE CHANGES
Our “type” changes as time goes by. Our twenties and early thirties tend to be rather dissimilar when it comes to choosing a partner, so the “type” from your early twenties may be a lot different from the “type” in say, your late twenties.
3. CAREER FOCUS
Getting the time to choose a career for you and dedicating some time to professional advancement is essential. Your career will make you satisfied, respected, accomplished, and that is how you want to enter a marriage. Also, knowing that you are independent, that you have something that is just yours, and that you don’t have to rely on anyone else financially is a real sense of comfort and peace.
4. MODERN DATING
You have to give yourself the time to experience modern dating. Yes, I am talking about online dating and everything that comes with it. That’s how you are going to appreciate the real person when they come along. Also, you will discover what you are actually looking for in the person you are going to spend your life with, and what personality traits you just can’t stand nor tolerate in them.
5. FRIENDS INVESTMENT
Before getting married, make sure you spend time with your friends. Be wild, party, gossip, travel together with them. You are not going to be that free after you get married and have kids, so value the time you have with those people.
Invest in loyal and supportive friends. Problems don’t go away, they upgrade, to say the least, so you need people that are going to lift you up when you are feeling down. Certainly, your partner can help a lot, but don’t forget the healing power of a good friend over coffee too!
6. NO LOST FRIENDS
Don’t be afraid that you will lose all your married friends. Rushing to get married just because you think you will have no one to hang out with is the wrong reason to get married. You may not see your married friends every day, sure, but you will still keep in touch with them, and you can still talk to them over the phone and text.
7. DON’T SETTLE DOWN
Settle down when you are ready to do it, don’t settle down for the wrong reasons. If everyone else is getting married or has a child already, it doesn’t mean that you should follow in somebody else’s footsteps. You have your own timing, so settle down when you find someone worthy of your time, not someone you are with simply because there is no one else better at the moment. Social pressure is your enemy, so fight it.
8. YOU ARE THE ANSWER
If you are not happy with yourself, you are not going to be happy in your marriage either. Marriage or kids for that matter, are not the answer to your happiness – they contribute to it. First, you have to experience life, you have to experience being single, and you have to accomplish yourself in other fields as well, before proceeding to the next chapter called tempest in a teapot or marriage.
So, to all those who are not married yet–you are brave, you are successful on your own, you are learning, and you are prospering, daily. Don’t let trends define you or make you want to rush into something you don’t feel should happen at the moment. Remember, you are not lagging behind, you are following your own pace.