Self-compassion is the ultimate form of love. It is the opposite of self-criticism. Being gentle and loving to yourself is crucial for your physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. However, unloved daughters of cold parents unwittingly indulge themselves in self-criticism and pity.
Self-criticism is a toxic and mental habit of saying that you are not good enough and believing that the setbacks and failures you are experiencing are because of your character flaws. Self-criticism is in fact an internalized version of all the things that your family has said to you while you were growing up.
For instance, a child that their parents label as lazy, difficult, or dumb, as opposed to a child who is labeled as successful and ambitions, can fully buy into the words and those mean words can stay into the child’s psyche for a long time.
When the child grows up, they will think that anytime they don’t get a promotion or a relationship ends is because they are not good enough, not smart enough, not ambitious enough… and that no matter how much they try, they will never be successful in life.
On the other hand, the children that were supported and loved by their families also face setbacks and problems, but they don’t attribute it to a major flaw in their character. Instead, they know that failures are a part of life and they are willing to try again and again and again until they reach their goals.
You should be able to be compassionate, understanding, and loving to yourself like you are to other people. You should be able to be there for you like you are there for others.
The unloved daughter, however, is in a difficult position, believing that she is not different from other girls that were loved and cared for during their childhood. Unloved daughters believe in the mother myth, i.e. that all mothers in the world love unconditionally their children. So, she thinks that there is something wrong with her, something that is making her hard to love.
This, of course, is not true. Unloved daughters must first discover themselves and then practice self-compassion and self-love. They must acknowledge and understand the pain that they have experienced while growing up.
She must learn to become a best friend to herself and to have her own back. She must understand that she is complete and good on her own and that there are many things that she brings to the table.