I feel like there are not enough words when it comes down to topics about strong, empowering, courageous and vulnerable individuals. I like to consider myself as a strong, independent person who has a pretty much firm grasp of life. I’ve always known what I wanted from life, what my visions are.
However, the one thing that always managed to leave me puzzled was my state after almost every relationship. More than once I’ve allowed being tricked by people who weren’t there the same way I did.
People who turned out the exact opposite of what they presented themselves to be. People that made me lose my faith, forced me to shut off and question my ability to choose right.
I’ve been angry with myself, I blamed myself for being weak and I’ve been haunted by tons of uncomfortable thoughts.
“I can’t believe you were that stupid to fall into the same trap again and reveal yourself to people you shouldn’t have trusted!”
“You still haven’t learned anything from the previous mess!”; “You’re weak.”
Thoughts so hurtful, we wouldn’t dare say to our loved ones, and yet we have the courage to say them to ourselves or even worse to actually believe them.
If you ask me, we’ve all been a part or a victim of a certain relationship pattern. In my case, the most common patterns were all so different from one another, yet their consequences managed to mark me for life.
The soulmate love. A relationship which required me to do the hard, muddy work, yet eventually taught me how important soul-growth is.
Even though the name signifies the ultimate love everyone aches for, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this love will last forever.
The second most exhausting experiences in my life, which I couldn’t fully acknowledge was being the ultimate target for people who needed some direction in life. The literal pain-killer. The emotional support.
Since I was little, my friendships were formed with people who had self-confidence issues, people who were in need to be healed. People who attached to my energy and strength and fed on it. The healing relationship pattern. I’m sure you’ve experienced it.
And my most challenging experience was the karmic relationship. So intense, and overflown with karma from those past experiences, this relationship triggered unresolved things both on mine and the partner’s side. It shook me and drained my last bit of will to move on.
If anyone who is reading this, recognized some of the things that have happened to them, please listen. Engaging in healing old karmic wounds and traumas can be very painful, especially if the partner beside you is an abusive individual.
Please be careful.
So, it turned out, there was a lot of work to do. These experiences revealed a horrible chapter in my life, managed to open some childhood fears and wounds that I thought were resolved and long gone.
However, it’s comforting to know that I finally found a decent answer to the everlasting question that bothered my head for eternity: “Why do these things happen to me”?
These hurtful experiences come to the people who are extremely conscious, open, aware and most importantly individuals with strong, personalities.
Everything that we experience in our lives, no matter how hard and insufferable it might seem, it is in the exact intensity that you are ready for in that moment.
The Universe gives just as much as we can handle at any given time. So, if you are terribly worried you made a mistake and if you keep blaming yourself, STOP. You are doing perfect!
If you continue criticizing just how weak you are for letting people mess with you, and you beat yourself up because you allowed being controlled, whatever it is, just remember…
You are not weak. You are strong, and you always were. Don’t ever let those disappointments get in your head and convince you that you’re not worthy of anything better.
Let these experiences teach you and make you even stronger. Learn from every mistake you’ve done. Learn to trust your instincts the next time around rather than opening up to anyone.
Because, as long as you perceive them as the lessons, rather than regrets, you’ll be able to grow, reach even further and take another step on your journey of self-revelation.
Image: JP<3
