Fighting constantly with your mate? Are you exhausted and shattered by your partners’ unfaithfulness? Tired of being abused? Are you thinking about getting a divorce?
Every single relationship is different and every stressor in a relationship is different too. Only you would know whether or not a divorce is the only answer. Some people have wondered if getting out of a bad marriage might be the answer.
But what have statistics shown? Is a good divorce better than being stuck in a bad marriage?
If you had to ask yourself the question “is divorce, good or bad?” What would you say? This can be an interesting question and many people would have different views. If you came from a very religious background you might feel that divorce is wrong and only being unfaithful to your mate qualifies for a divorce. Or you might come from parents who are divorced and you might feel that you wish they had stayed together. Or you could fall on the other end of the spectrum, maybe you were in a severely abusive marriage and divorce was your saving grace. So the answer to the question is divorce good or bad, varies from person to person.
What have stats shown with regards to divorce? While some statistics show that some are happier after a divorce, they also show that most adults are unhappy after a divorce and suffer psychological distress in comparison to people who are married. Studies also showed that people who suffered from major stressors in a marriage, where happier immediately after a divorce but that others who worked through those problems with their spouses, were happier for working through their issues. CompleteCase’s study has found that more than 90% of couples who had considered divorce at some point in their marriage but worked through their issues, were happier, that they had actually decided to stay together and work things out.
So the question isn’t as black and white as some might think. Once again like I mentioned earlier, every relationship is unique. It is incredibly difficult to work through a bad marriage but it can be equally as hard working through a divorce, even if the divorce seems like a good or easy one. Starting over after a divorce might feel like a fresh start for some, but might also be devastating for others.
Therefore getting a divorce might not necessarily make you happier, as statistics show. If children are involved as well, getting a divorce might not solve the conflict between parents. Parents will still have to be in contact with regards to their children. It would be better if parents could resolve their issues so that they could work together to raise their children, even if they are divorced.
There are circumstances though when a divorce would be better and that is if you are in an abusive relationship with a lot of fighting. Getting out of a marriage like that would be better for your children and for you. Another time a divorce would also be a good idea, is if you have an unfaithful partner.
Is divorce better than an unhappy marriage? Once again you need to answer that question for yourself. How bad is your marriage? Is your spouse abusive? Verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually? Has your spouse cheated on you? Does your spouse refuse to take care of you financially and not allow you to work? In these cases considering divorce would be a good idea, even necessary. You would never want to put your own life in danger or the lives of your children.
How can you decide whether to get a divorce or not? Think about what a divorce would mean. Consider the realities of life after your divorce. Can you live on one income? Would you be able to cope emotionally? It would be a good idea to write down the pros and cons of getting a divorce. Some marital issues though can be resolved with counseling. If you feel unhappy in your marriage because you and your spouse have both changed or you are unhappy because you feel as if you are constantly fighting, try counseling. Counseling would be a great idea to see if you could save your marriage before considering a divorce. Also, consider whether or not you still have feelings for your partner. Try to imagine them moving on with someone else and see how you would feel about this. Meditating on these few questions can help you decide if you should get a divorce or stay married.
A good divorce can be better than a bad marriage, but it also depends on how bad your marriage actually is. If there is some glimpse of hope, that you and your spouse can make amends, statistics show that these couples tend to be happier together later on in life.
What can you do if you are not happy in your marriage? There are a few things you can do. First, decide whether or not your marriage is really over and if it is really that bad. If you feel like you can’t make it work at all, then consider getting a divorce. Take your time though with this decision. It is a big one. If you feel there might be some hope, here a few things you can do.
1.Try to remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. Was it their kindness? Their sense of adventure? Did they make you laugh? Try to remember what made you love your spouse and focus on their good qualities.
2. Some couples have also tried “dating” again. Date your spouse and get to know them again. Go on planned dates, like you use to and try to reconnect.
3. When you argue, try talking to one another. REALLY talk and let the other know how you feel, without yelling or using degrading speech.
4. If finances are causing you stress, see where you can simplify things, how else you could bring in extra income and plan a budget together. Seeing a financial planner had also helped many couples sort out their financial problems.
5. If all else fails and you still can’t seem to make it work, try counseling.
A happy marriage can really be incredible but an unhappy marriage can destroy your life. Deciding to get a divorce is a very personal decision. Deciding to stay in an unhappy marriage is also a personal decision and only you would know what the right choice is. If you do decide to get a divorce and it runs smoothly, it could be a better choice than remaining in an unhappy marriage. You would really need to weigh up the pros and cons and make a rational decision. Emotions can be high during a bad marriage, so make sure your decision isn’t just based on emotion.