Suffering from depression and living with the daunting pressure of anxiety is much more than a sadness and a state of distress. It creeps in slowly and takes control over every part of your life until you no longer feel like yourself.
It makes it all look worthless, impossible. It destroys every hope left in you. And why, tell me why would people refer to it as if it was a simple, innocent headache?
Why most of you out there just can’t understand that depression isn’t something you can get over with a simple wave of the hand?
It isn’t something that is in the head of the sufferer. It isn’t some nonsense they decided to fabricate in order to annoy you.
People hurt deep inside. They fight these demons every day and they still choose to move on. And sometimes, the luckiest among them manage to find a single thread of strength and hold on to it.
But not everyone succeeds to fight the enemy of the 21st century.
Because depression is waking up each day, opening your eyes, but not being able to get out of bed. Not because you physically can’t, but because there’s not a single reason to get you going. There’s no drive. Nothing feels like happiness anymore.
It’s feeling guilty and weak because you can’t find the motivation to complete even the smallest of tasks, like showering and starting the day.
It’s looking in the mirror and seeing all the flaws and imperfections in you. Only now, depression made you comfortably numb, so you fail to feel even the slightest sensation. You don’t feel the sadness. You feel empty.
It’s having panic attacks and regular episodes of madness for no obvious reason. It seems like your mind has taken a path of its own.
It’s being constantly surrounded by people, yet feeling more alone than ever. It’s adjusting your suitable mask for society. Because rarely anyone has the guts to speak of the “unspeakable”.
It’s panicking before going to class, feeling foolish and miserable for saying even a word in front of everyone. It is the constant feeling of a failure when compared to others.
And it’s isolating yourself from everyone you know. It’s seeking shelter and embracing solitude between the 4 cold walls of your bedroom.
It’s being so unable to function that you keep skipping every class. And it’s being afraid to tell them why – out of fear they might misunderstand you.
It’s the constant fear of making a mistake because they might think less of you.
It’s staying wide awake and waging a war with your demons. It’s having disturbed a mind that keeps telling you everything that’s wrong with you. It’s putting up with your deepest fears and darkest emotions.
It’s disguising your emptiness with a plain smile pretending everything is just fine because it’s so easier to fake it than to explain to people what’s going on inside your mind.
It’s going round and round in circles.
It’s being lost and trapped in the maze of your very own mind.