“I stood up as best I could to their disgusting stupidity and brutality, but I did not, of course, manage to beat them at their own game. It was a fight to the bitter end, one in which I was not defending ideals or beliefs but simply my own self.” ~George Grosz
You are in a relationship with a narcissist and you think you are going crazy. You are tired of always explaining everything. You are tired of always being the “guilty” one. You are tired of the insults, the manipulation, and the abuse.
If you feel like you’ve had enough of always playing by the narcissist’s rules and you want to beat them at their own game, read on.
First things first, I think that you will agree with the fact that the narcissist is preoccupied with how they are perceived by others and how you behave in the relationship. The power (whether directly or indirectly) always lies in their hands, right?
The narcissist feels entitled to have everything they want and everything to be all about them, always.
But, even though you may be aware of this, you see that other people see the narcissist as a very selfless, generous, charming, and fun person to be around with. This is because of the narcissist’s dual personality.
The narcissist is one person in public and completely another person at home. The narcissist is a type of person who is kind and nice to strangers, but they are manipulating and abusive to their “loved” ones. And of course, their generosity comes always with strings attached.
If you are interested in playing the narcissist’s game, bear in mind that the main objective of the game is self-protection. You must discover the middle ground between self-protection and self-destruction if you want to be ahead in the game.
Because if your focus is too much on protecting yourself, you may develop some narcissistic behaviors yourself. On the other hand, if you don’t focus enough on self-protecting yourself, you risk becoming their victim. But, of course, when you are in a relationship with a narcissist, you will often find yourself going back and forth between these two extremes.
If you want to keep the relationship going, you must keep the game going as well.
The narcissist will also be sliding between the 2 extremes. Sometimes, they are the victim who needs rescuing, and sometimes they want to become someone’s savior. As for you, you will sometimes need to be a victim who needs to be saved by the narcissist, and sometimes you’ll need to save them.
But, be careful to not steal the spotlight from them because if there’s one thing that the narcissist hates most is when they are not at the center of attention.
The one rule that overpowers all rules is that no matter what you must keep playing the game.
Actually, it is extremely necessary for BOTH parties to participate in the game that the narcissist would end up winning in the end.
Yes, you read right. The narcissist will always win. Why? Because they will never admit a defeat.
So, in a game when the object is to keep the game going when the rule is that both parties must participate in it and the narcissist will always be the winner, the question is – why play?
The only way you can win the game with the narcissist is by NOT PLAYING.
Yes – the only way you can save yourself and walk away proudly as a winner you must end the game. You must get the hell out of it. QUIT THEM IMMEDIATELY. GAME OVER.