Yes, relationships do require a lot of work from both partners, but they are supposed to be exciting, fun, and fulfilling, right? When you are in a relationship with the right person, the relationship is a piece of cake; everything is easy and falls into place perfectly.
But what happens when you find yourself in a relationship in which you are scared of your partner? I, myself, have been in one like that. And it is hard for me to admit this, but I was literally fearful of the man I was with.
I was afraid to walk away from him. I was afraid to be with him too. He was hurting me, and yet I was still holding on to him.
I was with someone who shattered all my self-worth. Someone who couldn’t stand to see me happy. Someone who started manipulating me after he got me hooked onto him and whose charm and charisma made me fall in love with him and had me wrapped around his finger.
And because of him, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror because I couldn’t recognize myself anymore – all I saw was a fragile, and low-value person, destroyed by the person I loved the most.
I was with someone who I thought I knew. The reality was, I didn’t know him at all. And I wasted so much time and energy convincing myself that he would change into the man I had first met and fell in love with. It never happened.
I was with a cheater and a liar. I was blind to everything that was happening around me because I was desperately clinging on to the ‘perfect image’ of him that existed only in my mind.
I was with someone who made me question everything. Because of him, I have trust issues. Because of him, I have trouble letting people in because I stopped believing in the good in them.
I was with someone who wasn’t capable of loving anyone but themselves. Someone who made me feel alone even when we were together. Someone who made me feel unworthy of love. Someone who was putting me down so that he could rise up in all his power.
I was with someone who I allowed to manipulate me. Every time he ignored my calls and texts. Every time he bailed on me. Every time he was flirting with other girls. I felt like I deserved it and that it was all my fault. He made me feel like I was the crazy one.
But, I also dated someone who made me stronger. Because when I finally took the brave decision to leave him – I felt more empowered than ever. In leaving him I learned how to love myself again.