My childhood was full of disappointment. The disappointment of my mother, who would always see the flaws in everything that I did. This then fueled my disappointment in myself for never being good enough and never pleasing her. It was a vicious cycle that I never saw anything wrong with until I reached adulthood. I didn’t realize how greatly it affected my whole life.
Daughters of unloving or narcissistic mothers naturally have a plethora of problems in later life. We have low self-esteem, flawed thinking patterns, and difficulty establishing healthy relationships. We’ve never known a normal upbringing like everyone else. All that we know is negativity, and it shapes who we become in later life.
We, as damaged women, can often attract the wrong kind of people in our lives. This is the shocking reason why daughters of unloving mothers fall for narcissists.
The Classic Case of Predator and Prey
The lion will always catch the gazelle, just as the narcissist will always catch the victim. People with a narcissistic personality type will naturally be attracted to someone who’s already been hurt and invalidated. They want to be with us as they can easily take control over us.
Unloved daughters can easily be fooled by the initial charm of a narcissistic. They will make us believe that they love us and care deeply for us. We are immediately attracted to their big personality, which fills in for us where we are shy and reserved. Narcissists use this to coerce us into being with them, without us ever spotting the red flags.
We Feel We Don’t Deserve Love
Our mothers taught us that we’re not worth much. We spent our childhoods trying to impress someone who would never care. This reduced our self-esteem to almost nothing as we believed that if our mothers never loved us, then it must be our own fault.
When we find ourselves in a romantic relationship later in life, the damage done by our mothers doesn’t leave us. We don’t see that we are being treated badly. Why should we be treated any better if we know that we’re undeserving of real love?
They’re the Only Relationships That We Know
Throughout our childhoods, we were brought up with the idea that we come second. We saw that our mothers were always the most important person and we carry that on into any future relationships.
As unloved daughters, the only relationships that we know are ones filled with lies, manipulation, and abuse. We see these things as a normal part of any relationship. When we engage in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, we don’t see any problem in their behavior. Every evil thing that they do has already been done to us for years.
Women who have suffered at the hands of narcissistic mothers may not realize that their upbringing was toxic until they reach adulthood. They could be in their 30s, 40s, 50s, or older by the time that they accept it. Many will take even longer to realize that what they endured wasn’t just difficult, it was psychological abuse.
Ridding yourself from denial of your abuse is the first step into losing the negative behavioral patterns that we face in later years. Through acceptance, self-improvement, and self-love we can learn to see what kind of behaviors are not acceptable in a relationship. We will begin to understand that narcissistic relationships aren’t normal and that we deserve so much better.
If you’ve been abused by an unloving mother, then I am so sorry. You deserve love, happiness, and a partner who will treat you with respect.
Don’t be fooled by the allure of a narcissist. Know that even though you had toxic relationships rule your childhood, that doesn’t mean it’s right that they continue.
Let us know your experiences with unloving mothers and narcissistic relationships in your life.