This world seems to be cruelly divided into people who are predators and people who are preys. Just imagine a scene where the innocent gazelle runs gracefully, nor realizing that the hungry lion is watching her and prepares to catch her. And I guess we all know the outcome. Of course, with people is not exactly like this, but you get the metaphor.
Many people fall for narcissists. They fall for the narcissist’s charm and their alluring character and charisma.
That being said, secure people, people who have healthy views on love are quicker to see through their charm and recognize the narcissist behind the charming façade. They can make a difference between control and stability, braggadocio and strength, toxicity and healthy behavior.
On the other hand, unloved and abandoned individuals whose emotional needs hadn’t been met in their childhood don’t have the necessary basis and inner strength to distinguish a solid partner from a narcissist.
There are three kinds of unhealthy attachments: dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, and anxious/preoccupied.
The fearful avoidant people have a high opinion of other people and a low opinion of themselves. They are prone to build walls around themselves to protect themselves from pain even though the thing they desire the most is to love and be connected to someone.
The anxiously attached people are radiating neediness. They are constantly on the watch, being highly alerted. They are constantly testing their partner to see whether they love them. They are untrusting and controlling. They are also extremely vulnerable because they are a roller-coaster of emotions.
Both these types of people are perfect preys for narcissists. Why?
1. Their neediness makes the narcissist feel powerful and gives them a sense of entitlement.
Narcissists are people who like to be in control. They like calling the shots which gives them a sense of power. That’s why needy people attract them. Their hunger for love and connection that they’ve been trying to satisfy their whole life being abandoned and unloved as children is what the narcissist uses to manipulate them effectively.
They stay with the narcissist for the rare moments of love and affection they give them because it gives them a sense of warmth and reassurance. The sad thing is, those feelings of love that the narcissist gives them are usually false.
2. They are used to being manipulated and controlled.
They’ve spent their whole childhood being controlled and manipulated by their parent or parents, so they think that that kind of behavior is normal.
3. Their anger gives the narcissist a platform.
Feelings of jealousy and anger can be quickly triggered in these people when the narcissist threats to abandon them. The narcissist knows this, and they use it for their manipulative purposes.
Narcissists are also masters of projecting their feelings onto other people. They’ll bluff and tell others that’s their problem. This behavior increases their sense of control and makes them feel invincible.
4. They are tone-deaf to being verbally abused.
Unloved and abandoned people who have experienced mistreatment and have been verbally abused during their childhood have internalized these cruel words in their psyche and they have become a part of them.
That’s why they can’t recognize the verbal and the emotional abuse from the narcissist, which makes the narcissist happy to get their sense of entitlement while abusing these people.
5. They mistake game-playing for love and passion.
Narcissists enjoy playing games to get unloved people in the roller-coaster of emotions that they were so accustomed to being into. The painful truth is that they are so hungry for love and affection that they confuse the narcissist’s magnetic characteristics and the way they make them feel high and low for true love and passion.
Moreover, they see emotionally stable and predictable partners as boring because they are addicted to the thrill of the chase with the narcissist.
Finally, dear Gazelles, understanding why you are so appealing to narcissists and why you fall for narcissists is the first step towards healing.
Understand that you are worth more than someone’s lies. You don’t deserve to be abused. No one does.
So, get up, dust yourself off, and move on. And be careful to not repeat the same mistake again because the narcissist is someone who can be fatal for your mental and physical health as well.
You matter. You are important. Don’t forget that.