Oh, love. The most incredible and all-consuming emotion.
I love unplugging myself from the mediocre reality and plugging my brain into the most powerful current – my emotions. I just love thinking, discussing and writing about love.
But, what about you? How do you love? How do you express your deepest feelings?
More importantly, how do you know when someone loves you?
I’ve heard about people who can only lay beside their partners without talking, but still know everything they need to know. I’ve known people whose gentle touch says much more than those 3 most powerful words. I’ve heard about people who can spark up a fire between them with nothing more than just their powerful gaze.
That is the real magic of the love languages.
To all of you out there who haven’t heard about this before, the concept of love languages is developed by Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
Now, before you attack me for being cheesy, hear me out.
The love languages are our own ways of dealing with our relationships.
They are known as:
1. Loving touch
2. Words of affirmation
3. Quality time
5. Acts of Service
It’s important to know that we all have a primary and secondary love language. Whether we learn it from our parents or adopted it from people we’re surrounded by, the love languages are our basic methods for understanding each other.
It’s what we give to this world, but also what we wish to receive from it.
If you were raised with parents who were there for you, supported you, hugged you and constantly shared their love in the form of a physical touch – then, you might speak the language of loving touch. It means that you like to receive love in the form of physical touch.
The language of physical touch is often misinterpreted, but it is important to understand that it is not always about sex. Physical, loving touch can be in a form of a hug, kiss, holding hands, back rubs, gentle touches, and warm embraces.
If you are in love with a person who expresses his emotions by verbally affirming how much they care about you and how much they love spending time together – they might be a fluent speaker of the “words of affirmation” love language.
Whether it’s expressed vocally, or manifested through a love letter, sweet note, there are people who find words to be the very foundation of a happy and healthy relationship.
If your siblings were never the “I love you” type, but constantly showered you with their attention by helping you with your homework, making you a breakfast, sleeping next to you when you’re depressed – their love language might be “acts of service”.
Because for some people, actions do speak louder than words. For some people, words are sometimes too overrated and shallow. So, instead of words of affirmation, they often require deeds. Acts of service is a love language who is all about making a person feel loved by acting in certain ways they’re likely to appreciate.
If your mom spent her life working hard, barely having enough time to see you and talk to you, but showered you with all kinds of presents and gifts – her language is the language of gifts.
It is true that this language is often misunderstood and interpreted as materialism. But, for people who “speak” this language, it is the only way to understand and truly believe that the love they received is genuine and real.
And, if your big family is constantly organizing dinners, family trips, adventures, weekend getaways and if you feel most fulfilled and loved when you’re with them because at that moment you’re 100% present – then your love language is the language of “quality time”.
I am sure that by now you’ve already found your native language, and also understood the peculiar nature of the people around you.
You might be angry with your boss for not giving you the appreciation you needed, without knowing that their language is the language of gifts and it comes in the form of a pay raise.
You might be confused why the guy you’re dating for over a year is still not uttering those 3 words, but has no problem being physically close to you or express his affection through his kind and thoughtful acts of services. Because you might be completely unaware of the fact that his love language is actually a combination of touch and acts of service.
The thing is, no matter how long it takes for us to comprehend this, our giving and receiving of the languages is never the same. And that exactly when learning these languages comes in handy.
Through understanding and deciphering all of our love languages, we’ll eventually be able to give and receive love in our partner’s primary and secondary languages, and accept their love language as a form of love, even if it’s not one of the languages we fluently speak.
We will also learn to give the love to our partners in their preferred language, even if it’s a little less natural and acceptable to us.
We will be able to understand the reasons for their actions or inactions. We will finally be able to help them feel acknowledged, loved and desired. By learning about each other’s love languages and accepting the differences between one another, we’ll be able to put ourselves into another man’s shoes and understand what it takes to make them happy.
These 5 love languages have to power to change our lives from the core and become our methods for understanding someone the most perplexing issues about love and life that exist among us.
If we could only open our eyes and hearts a bit wider, I think our lives would be much happier, and this world much more connected.