Being in a relationship with a narcissist is challenging and hurtful beyond words. It’s unfair. It’s debilitating.
The entire relationship with a narcissistic individual is nothing else than a set-up for you to lose your sense of self. It’s staged on purpose so that you perceive your achievements and successes as mistakes and your life outside of the relationship with the narcissist as a fake reality, when it’s actually the other way around.
Because the “reality” that you live in when dating a narcissistic individual is one in which you’re constantly controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, criticized, and demeaned. It’s the kind of reality in which your self-esteem is damaged and you are made to doubt your own logic and sanity.
But, being in a relationship with a narcissist can also inspire you and encourage you to reach greater heights than ever before. It can give you an incentive to survive, thrive, and live. It can give you an incentive to reconnect with the part of yourself that wants to move forward. It can give you an incentive to tap into your power.
So, if you happen to be in a relationship with a narcissist or if you’re recovering from narcissistic abuse, know that taking back your power may be a little bit hard, but it’s not impossible.
Here are four types of power you can tap into when you are suffering narcissistic abuse or recovering from it:
1. Word or phrase replacement.
Narcissists enjoy criticizing and demeaning others. But, instead of letting a narcissist’s hurtful words affect your self-esteem whenever they pop into your mind, know that you can always replace them with new words or phrases.
For example, if your narcissistic partner has constantly criticized you about your physical appearance, you can replace any hurtful word that’s been said to you whenever it pops into your head with something like, “Yes, I have flaws, but no one is perfect,” rather than immediately saying, “I am perfect,” although knowing that this is not true.
And remember – whichever way you choose to approach this method, make sure you replace hurtful words with ones you feel comfortable saying.
2. “Talking back” to the narcissist.
Talking back to the narcissist doesn’t mean literally talking back to them. Instead, it means talking back to the rumination about the abuse in your own mind. So, in order to counter derogatory comments and snide remarks that you find yourself ruminating about, write down all your qualities, accomplishments, successes as well as positive feedback that other people have given you.
For example, if the narcissist told you that you would never achieve your goals, write down something like, “Just because you haven’t reached your goals, it doesn’t mean that I won’t reach mine. Or if they said that you weren’t smart or strong enough, write down something like, “Well, I was smart enough to leave a fool like you.”
And remember – don’t be afraid to be harsh when writing these things down, because this is how you’ll manage to release your anger in a healthy way.
3. Giving hurtful words a positive connotation.
Have you ever tried giving degrading words a positive connotation so as to defend yourself and show someone that you have no intention of tolerating their crappy behavior? Trust me, it can be really fun.
For example, if your narcissistic partner told you something like, “You’re not a good partner,” try reconstructing this by saying, “If being a good partner means putting up with you sh*tty behavior, then I’m certainly not your definition of what it means to be a good partner. I am actually better.”
4. Use every bad thing you’re told to empower yourself.
For example, if your narcissistic partner makes insulting remarks about your intelligence, use that as an incentive to prove them wrong in every way possible. Or if they tell you that you are incapable of achieving something, do everything in your power to achieve that.
And remember – when you use these methods, make sure you use them in ways that make you feel comfortable and empower you. Because this is how you’ll manage to tap into your power and complete your healing journey successfully.