Home Psychology This Is Why You Should Stop Telling People That They’re Special

This Is Why You Should Stop Telling People That They’re Special


Living in a world full of unique people, and seeing just how unique everyone is, is a reason enough why you should never put one’s uniqueness before another person’s and emphasize the first while ignoring the latter.

In truth, we are all unique, and making someone feel bigger than the rest because of their innate uniqueness means breeding a perceptual disease which will ultimately lead them to downfalls in almost everything they undertake.

Breeding the illusion of one’s grandeur and uniqueness opposed to a world of common minds creates a plethora of psychological outcomes which can only make a person lose their special-ness and give in to a grand illusion.

“Epic proportions of isolation, loneliness, and disconnection are reported in my office on a daily basis,” explains Dr. Sarah Sarkis, a licensed psychologist from Honolulu, Hawaii. “The myth of specialness is the root cause of a lot of the clinical dynamics that unfold in my office, including entitlement, grandiosity, emotional disconnectedness, social isolation and alienation, nearly all the various forms of “isms” and many more.”

The end result of trying to teach your child of how special they truly are without telling them that everyone is special in their own way and that these specialness-es make us humans the species we are. In other words, neither your nor your child’s uniqueness are the only qualities this world needs to see but they are definitely an important part of it.

These children usually end up feeling entitled to special treatment and that the rules for the rest don’t apply to them. This ‘royalty’ complex is a result of a perception in which they view the world through a vain perception where their uniqueness needs to be admired.

And this false perception of reality eventually removes the entitled person from other people. The failure to empathize and see reality through the equally special eyes of another leaves these people in a dark place in their minds.

“Specialness is born from an environment that emphasized the child’s uniqueness to the exclusion of also highlighting the importance of our shared human sameness, those core elements of being human, that we all share: We all bleed. We all feel pain. We all fall in love. We all face death. Ours. And those we love,” explains Sarkis.

Feeding your children the idea that their uniqueness is what gives them power will inevitably make them start down the road of entitlement. The thought that will haunt their perception is that they’re ‘different and unique and special’ and therefore deserving of a certain type of treatment.

Another form of specialness which can also devastate one’s personality goes to the other side of the spectrum of grandiosity – all the way to the victim self-perception.

These people, as Sarkis explains, give their suffering a strong note of specialness, believing “that they alone have been wronged, wounded, and pained in ways that other, less special people simply could not understand.

“They cannot absorb the support and empathy of the people around them because they are imprisoned in the myth of specialness, where it is only them, uniquely and to the exclusion of all other human mammals that could identify with their experience.”

This sense of disconnection is one that doesn’t allow the person to get out of the victim mentality, as they see a uniqueness in their suffering that others are incapable of understanding.

So, do you want to be unique? Would you teach your children to think that they’re special?”

Our uniqueness is a trait that makes us human, which means that every human being will possess a uniqueness incomparable to the rest and thus special. However, you owe your specialness to being a homo sapiens not to being born half-god.


Mary Wright


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