Tell me, what is your definition of a healthy and quality relationship?
Is it holding grudges for ages, blaming the other person for your issues, slamming doors or sticking to your passive-aggressive behavior and dropping subtle hints that you are pissed?
This is something that has really been bothering me lately.
People claim they love each other unconditionally but have no idea how much unconditionally means. They say they would do everything for their partner, but they are first to put the blame on them when something happens. We are so reckless with the word I love you, that no one really says it when they mean it.
We are losing the real values and replacing them with fake ones. Fake love. Fake relationships. Fake friends. Fake everything.
And the worst part is, we’re getting so used to this, that we are no longer capable of making difference between toxic and normal.
Here are 5 toxic relationship habits nowadays that most people think they are normal:
1. Not communicating enough. Communication is the key to a successful, healthy and long-lasting relationship. It is the foundation of mutual understanding and relentless trust. Without out, there is no union. There is no reason to keep fighting. Still, most of us prefer to keep things to themselves. We prefer to bottle up our emotions, bury them deep inside and use our passive-aggressive communication techniques to get what we want. We no longer confront our relationship issues head-on. The silent treatment is the easier way out.
2. Putting the blame on others. We’ve all done this. No matter how much we like to pretend that we’re saints, the reality is – we’re not. What bothers me, even more, is that we’ve gotten used to this. Avoiding responsibility for our emotions, actions, opinions, thoughts, etc. has become our everyday life. I know many relationships in which one of the partners is always taking the blame for everything that happens to them. Wake up, people! This is a classic example of selfishness and poorly maintained personal boundaries.
3. Playing the victim card. This, in my opinion, is probably the most toxic relationship habits that we often adopt. Of course, being a pessimistic, isolated and self-pitying human being who is constantly complaining about their life may seem like an easy technique to avoid difficult situations. But there is a BIG difference between actually being a victim and playing the victim card. And believe me, it is not that hard to notice.
4.Keeping score about everything. This is another sad thing that we usually do nowadays. We keep scorecards as if we are competing with our partner about who’s made more mistakes and who owes what. YES, you read it right. We keep score. The scorecard phenomenon is when the person you are dating digs up your past and starts to blame you for past mistakes that you’ve made in order to justify their current righteousness. This is very harmful since it is a way of manipulating another person into making them feel wrong in the present for a mistake they did in the past. It is a total waste of energy that could be otherwise directed towards something understanding.
5. Mistaking jealousy for love. It really surprises me how some people describe this as some sort of a display of affection. This is absolutely crazy if you ask me. Jealousy is not a sign of love. It’s controlling, manipulating and demeaning. It creates drama and it proves that there is a lack of trust in the relationship. Ultimately, this often leads to insane, irrational behaviors such as going through your partner’s stuff, hacking their email, reading their messages or even worse following their car.
If you recognized yourself in some of these toxic habits, I am glad. The first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that there is a problem. There is nothing that you can’t fix. Start by getting rid of these toxic habits and incorporate honesty and open communication into your relationship.