Narcissists always blame their victims for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. Why? Because they cannot deal with the fact that they are less than ‘perfect’ and are capable of making a mistake. Therefore, it is easier for them to present themselves as victims and refuse taking responsibility for their actions.
Every person has their own guide of what is right and what is wrong and praises and punishes their behavior respectively. This ‘guide’ is pre-programmed in our conscience from our childhood i.e. what our parents criticized or praised about us. This ‘guide’ we all have is our inner voice. Sigmund Freud called this voice our Superego. Some call it conscience.
Sadly, narcissists are people whose inner voice is extremely harsh, devaluing, and perfectionistic. Nothing is ever good for them. And because they are their harshest critics, they avoid blame and taking responsibility at all costs. It is easier for them to project the blame onto others than admit they are not perfect.
They do everything in their power to not be seen as failures and losers. So, they are quick to shift the blame onto their partners and present themselves as victims.
If you are to call them out and ask them to stop because they are hurting you, they will laugh at you and tell you that you are ‘overreacting’, you are ‘too sensitive’, or you’re going ‘crazy’. Once again, they will shift the blame from them and blame you for your behavior instead.
You cannot win an argument with a narcissist. They will drag you into pointless fights to put you on the defense. They will mimic you, be sarcastic, offensive about your tone of voice, and accuse you of doing what THEY are doing.
If they know you are a compassionate and empathetic soul, they will play on that card as well. The narcissist will tell you about their abusive childhood, their ‘crazy’ ex who stalked them, and the traumas they’ve experienced to make you comfort them and forget that they are the ones who are hurting you. Besides, how can you stay angry at someone who was so vulnerable to tell you about their past wounds? Well, that’s all a part of the game that the narcissist plays.
Finally, the narcissist will present you to the outside world as you are the crazy one and will provoke you to act irrationally so that other people will believe that you are the one with the issues. That you are the abusive one, the jealous one, the mentally unstable one…
What can you do to save yourself? Don’t respond to their provocations. I know it is hard, but don’t do it. Don’t give them the satisfaction to see you lose your temper. Every time you try to defend yourself against being falsely accused of something, you are only legitimizing the accusations by responding to it. The only reasonable thing to do in this situation is to just walk away.