The narcissist’s self-worth and self-esteem are based on how other people view them because many of them are not self-aware. They blame other people for their flaws and mistakes because they don’t want to look at themselves and admit that they are not the perfect ones. In their world of illusions and manipulations, they want to be seen as impeccable human beings worthy of admiration and adulation.
Narcissists shift the blame on others for their own game. It is better to make others guilty of everything than getting exposed. If, however, they do ask you for forgiveness it is because they want to guilt-trip you so they can hide their awful personality. If they cannot place the blame onto you, they would rather you feel sorry for them and feel guilty for calling them out in the first place.
Another tactic narcissists use is gaslighting. This is the most cunning and evil manipulation technique. It is a form of mental abuse where the narcissist twists or selectively omits information to favor them to make their victim doubt their perception, memory, even their sanity.
The narcissist may also provoke you in order to get a reaction from you and present you as crazy and unstable. For example, they may slander you, call you names, turn everyone against you, insult you, or even physically attack you. And as soon as you react to their maltreatment, they will tell everyone you are the aggressor and that you are the one that is hurting them.
They are calculated and sneaky. They can and they will accuse you of things they are doing themselves. They will project to you things you have never done or thought about doing. They will call you a liar, a cheater, a manipulator… to escape for a moment their reality that they themselves are those things. They will tell you – you are the evil one in order for them to feel like they are the good one.
They really think they are entitled to all you have to offer and that’s why they can get really angry when you choose to not entertain them or give them what they want.
But not many people know that behind the narcissist’s mask there are layers and layers of illusions and false pretenses and perception they have created for themselves throughout their life. Their unrealistic expectations and demands from others go hand in hand with their false sense of grandeur. They cannot accept reality and therefore they need to create their own world where everything is perfect and they are superior to everyone else.
You can never win with them. You can’t turn them into a decent person. The narcissist will never change because they don’t feel a problem with their behavior.
So, if you are involved with a narcissist, do yourself a favor and cut them off from your life. Because not you, not anyone deserves to be abused. Stop letting narcissists destroy your life and shatter your self-confidence. You are a valuable human being and you should respect yourself and your life enough to not allow someone like this near you.