We live in a society where victims of narcissistic abuse are blamed for dehumanizing narcissists and for not showing empathy for or forgiving their abuser.
Yes, we live in a society where there are a lot of victim-blaming enablers who criticize victims of narcissistic abuse for speaking out about the emotional and mental torture they have suffered, telling them that narcissistic individuals only need a little more understanding, compassion, and love.
A little more compassion, empathy, and love will do the trick, right?
Well, if someone believes this to be true, then they undoubtedly need a wake-up call. Because the truth is that the majority of narcissists don’t want to change since they don’t think that there’s anything wrong with their behavior.
Additionally, narcissistic individuals aren’t always “vulnerable” or “insecure” as many people appear to suggest. Narcissists can also be incredibly entitled and conceited – traits that inevitably translate into abusive patterns in relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
So, it’s time for us to begin tackling the myths about narcissistic abusers that minimize, justify, and deny the abuse narcissists subject their victims to, thereby perpetuating the abuse cycle.
So, let’s start:
Myth #1. Narcissists had bad childhoods.
While there have been many accounts of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) who had traumatic childhood backgrounds, when it comes to Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it hasn’t been clinically confirmed what exactly causes this disorder.
Just because narcissists have problems with empathy, it doesn’t mean that we should justify or minimize the mental and emotional abuse they subject their victims to.
The truth is that narcissistic individuals deliberately exploit, manipulate, and harm others. Because even if they’re incapable of feeling the type of empathy non-narcissists feel for others, they can still put themselves in the shoes of the victim. But, the problem is that many of them choose not to do so and continue to harm their victims. Moreover, they seldom seek treatment and they refuse to change their behavior.
So, we can conclude that abuse is still a choice that narcissists make every day. And they need to be held accountable for their actions. Only in this way, will victims of narcissistic abuse will stop feeling invalidated, alienated, and alone.
Myth #2. Narcissists are not aware of what they are doing.
This is not true. Because anyone that can put on a sweet, charming face in public while belittling and manipulating their victim behind closed doors DOES know what they’re doing. Anyone who is able to shower you with attention and praise and make you feel loved and protected, and then distort your perception of reality and instill a sense of worthlessness in you in the blink of an eye CAN, in fact, control their behavior.
Narcissists know very well how to control their actions and emotions depending on what they need. They selectively choose the victims that they plan to exploit for their own agenda and they make a deliberate choice to manipulate, demean, and hurt them.
Myth #3. Their mental illness made them do it.
Let’s get this straight: Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t a form of psychosis that debilitates the mental capacity of the person affected.
Although narcissists’ capacity to feel empathy is limited, they don’t lack the intellectual capacity to tell right from wrong, neither are they prevented from working or getting professional help to change their behavior.
Malignant narcissists take joy in hurting others. And they’re perfectly aware of the way they treat their victims. Are you wondering how we know this?
Since they tailor their comments and their actions so as to get their victims to behave the way they want them to. What’s worse, they think they’re entitled to do whatever they want to accomplish their goals.
Myth #4. Both the victim and the narcissist are at fault for the abuse.
If the victim has finally reacted to the mental and emotional abuse they’ve been subjected to, this doesn’t mean that they’re at fault for the abuse. Reactions that are caused by chronic abuse are just coping mechanisms to try to regain control in an abusive relationship and survive.