My anxiety makes me feel like I am avoiding those people who mean the world to me. I think I do it because I am scared to death of overwhelming them. I don’t give them compliments because I don’t want them to think I am strange. I am not inviting them out because I fear they will reject me. So, I remain silent. And I know they think that I don’t care about them, but that’s not true. I care about them so much that I don’t know how to cope with those feelings.
My anxiety tells me to not text or call anyone because I don’t like to disrupt them. I don’t want them to see me as an intrusion and feel as they need to reply to my text or answer my call. And then I think, if they truly wanted to have a conversation with me, they would’ve called. I strongly believe that when someone doesn’t reach out to you, it is a clear sign they don’t want you in their life. Or is it?
My anxiety is making me feel like an impostor. Like an outcast. Like I don’t belong anywhere. Like all the people in my life are happier without me. That’s the reason why I don’t feel guilty for canceling on them and giving them an excuse at the last moment. Because I feel as I am doing them a favor; like I am saving them for having to deal with me.
My anxiety locks me inside my home, and it doesn’t set me free even when I feel like I want to do something exciting and fun. My anxiety tells me and convinces me that as long as I am home, I am safe. That the second I go out, there will be people who will judge me and look down on me.
My anxiety doesn’t allow me to flirt with anyone that I like by making me overthink everything. By making me fear being rejected. By making me feel unattractive and not being good enough.
My anxiety doesn’t let me join any dating sites and apps because the mere thought of talking to another individual via text or a phone call makes me sick to the stomach. It makes me hate waiting for someone to reply to my text. It makes me wonder whether I said the right thing and whether the person will think that I am stupid.
My anxiety is making me nervous to do even the smallest most ordinary things, like posting something on social media, or asking a stranger for directions when I feel lost. I immediately wonder, what if I make a fool out of myself? What if they reply rudely to me? Will they hurt me with their actions?
My anxiety is making me overthink everything and underestimate myself and my abilities.
My anxiety makes me a bad friend. Actually, it makes me think like I don’t have friends.
It makes me feel alone even if I know that that’s not the case… And I only want someone to understand me and be there for me.
