My anxiety makes me overthink and take everything personally.
When someone doesn’t reply to my text I immediately get nervous and my anxiety gets the best of me. I start assuming that they don’t want to talk to me because they hate me, that they ignore me on purpose because I annoy them.
That is why I am often afraid to start a conversation with someone. I fear rejection more than anything. The mere fact that someone would ignore my call or text shakes me to my core.
Even if someone doesn’t respond the way I want, meaning I find their text short and cold – I immediately start to worry. What if they don’t want to talk to me? What if they responded only out of politeness? I instantly start regretting my initiative to text them in the first place.
And the fact that I’ve been friends with them for a long time does not matter. I will still need reassurance for their love for me. If they don’t respond in a warm and affectionate manner, I will start thinking that they want to end the friendship with me.
This is all because of my anxiety. I know that.
It makes me overanalyze every situation and every word. It makes me think that everyone hates me.
That’s why when a friend tells me that they can’t go out because they have to work, I don’t believe them. I think that that is only an excuse to not hang out with me. I immediately start to question myself what I did wrong to deserve their reaction.
My anxiety has made me a pessimist. I always assume the worst. Even worse, I always expect bad things to happen. I cannot get my mind to think positive thoughts and hope for good and beautiful things.
And when it comes to social gatherings, I am always the quiet one. I fear that I will embarrass myself. I always feel that I just don’t fit. I think that everyone is talking and laughing about me behind my back.
Likewise, when it comes to dating and relationship – I never flirt. Also, I don’t believe when someone flirts with me and wants to go on a date with me. I am scared to give anyone a chance because I am sure that it will all soon backfire, and my heart will be broken again.
My anxiety has taken away my self-esteem. I doubt myself, and in turn, I doubt everyone else.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Image: Maria Schaefer Photograp