It’s almost spring and wedding venues are making huge profits. And it’s not only in spring, but all year round people are looking to find the secret toward a lasting marriage. And one of the most valuable pieces of advice out there comes from divorce lawyers who are directly faced with the problems of the marriages.
And, you want to know who the biggest cause of problems in almost every marriage is according to them?
Porn. Porn is ruining marriages according to 60% of the divorce lawyers questioned in a survey.
And it’s not just lawyers who noticed that. Dr. Jill Manning, a family and marriage therapist, a specialist in sexual addiction, conducted a research on porn and its link to divorce. According to her research, 56% divorce cases involve one spouse being obsessed with pornographic websites.
This phenomenon could be explained by the porn-watching spouse is emotionally abandoning their partner and is withdrawing from sexual intimacy as well. Also, porn creates false expectations of what sex should be like.
“I have had many cases where the husband won’t even touch his wife and several cases in which the spouses have not had sex in three or four years,” says one divorce attorney.
Dr. John Gottman says that today there are several theories on how one can manage the porn use in the marriage. According to him, many marriage advisors recommend that partners should just accept porn as a normal and harmless thing. Moreover, he admits that he has been guilty of recommending porn to married couples as a meant to regain the lost intimacy between them (usually after having a baby).
However, Dr. Gottman now claims that porn is indeed harmful and destructive to intimacy.
And intimacy between partners is one of the main sources for communication and connection on a deeper level between the spouses. Plus, the person who watches porn is in total control of the sexual experience because they want to feel the sense of power that goes with it. And lastly, the porn-watcher may expect to find their partner always ready for sex.
Dr. Gottman’s findings on intimacy in a marriage align perfectly with the preaching of the divorce lawyers from the last 15 years that porn is destroying marital intimacy and is drastically increasing the chances that your marriage might come to its end.
But, let’s face it – there are high chances that your partner uses porn. The question is whether you can talk openly and honestly about it?