No relationship is perfect. Every couple faces challenges, disagrees, and argues. Of course, every healthy relationship is prone to have some disagreements every now and then, and it is not the arguments the problem, but how partners handle the challenges that ultimately determine their relationship.
Below are 7 things that happy couples avoid doing at all costs.
1. FIGHT TO WIN RATHER THAN FIGHT TO FIX
Healthy couples understand that the most important thing during an argument is to process the feelings, understand the main problem, and the willingness to find a solution. Sometimes, however, when couples fight, they tend to react impulsively and play the blame game. Healthy couples, on the other hand, never belittle or blame the other person. Their ego ceases to matter when their relationship is at risk.
2. EXPECT THEIR PARTNER TO READ THEIR MINDS
“If they loved me, they would have known what I want” is a sentence that has destroyed many relationships. And while it can be a great thing if our partner was able to read our minds, in reality, that’s not possible. We, as humans, are different. We have different values, beliefs, and we view the world differently. Healthy couples know this, so they never expect their partner to be a mind reader. They vocalize their thoughts instead.
3. LACK BOUNDARIES
No healthy relationship lacks boundaries. Boundaries are essential when it comes to setting the things that you would and you wouldn’t tolerate in the relationship. Healthy couples talk openly about their boundaries and they respect them. Boundaries can include everything from deciding how much time you’ll see each other a week to whether or not you will make your relationship public on social media. Boundaries are healthy and you shouldn’t be scared to talk about them with your partner.
4. REACT DEFENSIVELY
We all get defensive when it comes to protecting ourselves. But partners who are always on guard can harm their relationship. Getting defensive (with blaming your partner for everything) is toxic to any relationship. Happy couples know that when someone gets defensive all they are saying is that they are unable to take responsibility for their action and they always find the problem to be in the other person.
5. FOCUS ON WHAT’S WRONG
The things that really can separate a happy couple from a miserable one is the balance between the positive and the negative interactions between the partners. Some psychologists believe in the 5:1 ration, meaning couples who have 5 times more positive interactions with each other are happier and have a stable relationship. This means that happy couples don’t focus on the negative.
6. AVOID HARD TOPICS
When you are confronted with a difficulty in your relationship, you have 2 choices: you can avoid them until they magically disappear, or you can deal with them effectively. Healthy couples don’t avoid talking about the things that are wrong. That is not easy for them, but they are willing to do it for the sake of their relationship.
7. WITHHOLD FORGIVENESS
Staying human is hard. We are betrayed, hurt, and we experience loss many times that we are prone to adopting many unhealthy coping mechanisms as a means of dealing with our pain and protect ourselves from being hurt again. Withholding forgiveness is a thing that happy couples never do. They are always forgiving and kind to each other.