There are no words. There are truly no words to say when it comes to losing a close person. Let alone, losing your mother…
There is only pain, sorrow, anger, tears, and a big hole where your heart is supposed to be. A whole lot of nothing. The feelings are there, but after a while, they start to fade away. After a while, after you realize that there is nothing you could do to turn back time and see her once again, you begin to slowly accept your miserable reality, only now there is no more pain inside your chest. There is only numbness. Your heart is still there beating only to keep you alive, but that doesn’t change the fact that deep down it feels like everything that makes you human is ripped out of your chest.
Everything hurts. Even getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. Everything is a struggle. Even breathing. Even blinking. Even existing. The world around you no longer sounds and looks the same, because within you there is no life left. There is no strength to keep moving. No will to even get up and try. Because the one person that is responsible for you being right here right now, the one person who brought you on this planet, raised you, cared for you, loved you with all of her heart is now gone…
And the worst part of it all is facing the pain. At first, you try to accept it. You push away the grief thinking that the more you focus on the everyday chores and your life, the pain will slowly go away and things will go back to normal. But it doesn’t. And they don’t. The truth is, nothing ever goes back to normal after you lose your mother. Nothing ever feels the same. You don’t laugh the same. You don’t cry the same. You don’t talk the same. You simply don’t feel the same.
It is as if you die with her, only you are still alive, forced to face the pain on your own. Forced to swallow up your tears and suck it all up. Forced to accept the brutal reality called life and find a way to keep on living, without her by your side. It’s a constant struggle to find the strength and will to get up on your feet and finally move on with your life.
Losing a mother is not painful, it is like having your heart ripped from your chest.
There it is. That is the truth.
Having said this, I wish to once again express my deepest condolences to my dearest friend who recently lost her mother. I know that there is nothing we could do to help you get through this. That is why the only thing I wish for you right now is to find your peace. To take your time and go slow. Just know that I will always be there for you when you need me. I will always try to comfort you and help you, even though I am perfectly aware that nothing I say right now is enough to soothe your pain.
And to all of you out there going through this pain, please, stay strong.
Your mother loved you more than words can say and I am sure that if she could speak to you right now, she would tell you that she’d give anything to see you happy… She’d give anything to see you move on.
I don’t know exactly what this feels like, nor do I ever wish to find out, but I want you to know that I am here. I am here to understand you, here to listen to you, here to offer a shoulder for you, here to help you get back on your feet. I feel for you. I am here for you.