Our friendships are the most valuable things in life. They fill us with love, inspire us to be better people, motivate us to work on ourselves and teach us what unconditional love and real intimacy mean.
These connections are something that we cannot survive without. Because as humans, we are born for connection. Our need to form attachments with the people in our lives is a part of our DNA. We need to feel emotionally supported the same way we need water and food to survive.
However, there is one thing that most of us often overlook. As we grow older, we forget to evaluate our friendships. We become so attached to certain people that have been a part of our lives for so long, that we fail to notice when some of them no longer invest in our relationship as much we do. We get so used to their presence, that we fail to recognize how toxic some of these people really are.
And so we get stuck in toxic friendships.
If real friends have a positive impact on our mental and physical wellbeing than toxic friends have a completely opposite effect on us. Their influence can be dangerous and live a big mark on our life.
Here are 8 signs that will help you recognize them:
1. They are not happy for your accomplishments. If you have a friend whose face goes automatically sour the minute you share your good news with them, that person is not your friend. This is someone who is secretly hoping that you’ll fail so they don’t have to feel bad about their own life.
2. They always put you down. The one thing that toxic friends hate is seeing you happy. That is why they always put their efforts into making you feel worthless. They find ways to rain on your parade by making snide comments, making fun of you in public or criticizing you whenever you turn to them for support. Belittling you is the only thing that lifts them up.
3. They are there in the good times, but nowhere to be found in the bad times. Whenever something good happens to you, they are the first ones to call you up and try to take advantage of you. The only thing I have to say is… Watch out for people who are only there to piggyback on your success. If they cannot be there for you during your hardships, they do not deserve to be included in your life.
4. Being around them exhausts you mentally. Sometimes, we all need to be listened to and understood. But there is a big difference between being desperate for help and being self-absorbed up to a point where you only care about your needs. If your friend cannot bother to hear what you have to say because their problems are “more important” than yours, it is time to cut that person out of your life. Trust me, you don’t want an emotional vampire in your life.
5. They never stand up for you. Let’s be honest. A true friend will always have your back, even when the whole universe is against you. They will never let anyone hurt you, no matter how guilty you really are. Real friends would come to your aid, whereas toxic friends would stay silent or gladly take part in the belittling.
If you ask me, I would rather have an enemy that openly admits they hate me than a friend who lies to my face and then stabs me in the back.
6. They are always too busy to make time for you. You know what? “Busy” is an excuse. No one is ever busy. They just have different priorities, so if they cannot find the time to see you, you are probably not one of them. Cut these people out of your life. You are only wasting your time.
7. They don’t respect your boundaries. Life is too short to waste it on toxic relationships and people who violate your boundaries. If someone is too self-absorbed to give a damn about anything besides themselves, you don’t need that person in your life. What you need is a real friend who will respect you, appreciate you for who you are and will only add value to your life.
8. Their ego is bigger than your connection. Toxic friends live to put a shad on your light. They cannot stand having someone outsmart them or be better than them. They would do whatever it takes to maintain their delusion of grandeur.