It hurts, you know?
It hurts to realize that people don’t always care about what you are going through. That it’s hard for them to understand that struggling with depression is a normal thing. And it’s just like dealing with any other illness.
It hurts to know that they cannot see or feel your pain. To hear that everything you are going through is only in your head. That you are only imagining things. It’s hard to have to explain yourself to people. Especially when you are having another episode.
It’s hard to go through life pretending you are fine when clearly, you aren’t. It’s hard to bottle up your feelings and stay quiet about everything that is going on inside you because people will judge you. It’s hard to see them avoiding you.
Below are 7 things that most people would never understand about high-functioning depression:
1. Our feelings. Our way of coping with the pain. The fact that we constantly hide them. Bottle them up so other people don’t feel uncomfortable. Others don’t always know what goes on in our minds. And even when we choose to let them, they still judge. They still shame us for it. They still don’t understand…
2. The fact that we’re always exhausted. That sometimes there are days when waking up, putting on clothes, and going to work is a nightmare. That almost everything we do takes a big amount of energy. Some days are so emotionally and mentally draining that it feels like even breathing is tiring…
3. Why we avoid people. They will never understand why socializing with people often makes us feel uncomfortable. Why in some cases, we find ourselves easily irritated or triggered by someone’s behavior. They will never try to put themselves into our own shoes and see our side of the story.
4. That we are our own worst critic. They will never know that most of the time we are the only ones standing on the way of our happiness. That our inner self is by far the most judgmental and brutal critic. That there are days when we struggle to see how much we’re worth and we make mistakes.
5.The fact that we always try to keep ourselves busy. It pains me to admit this, but there are moments in our lives when I must do something in order to keep myself from drowning in my overwhelming emotions. That’s how hard it feels to struggle with depression. I may not show it, I may not express my emotions, but I know how I feel. And it isn’t nice. It isn’t nice to live with an overly occupied mind.
6. That our mind is full of negative thoughts and daunting scenarios. There are days when we don’t feel good about ourselves. Days when if we could, we would probably not leave the house. But seeing as life doesn’t wait for anyone, we can’t. So, we pretend. We act like everything is okay, even though negativity is constantly spinning in our heads.
7. Why we seem like nothing ever makes us happy. It’s true. There are days when nothing, and I mean really nothing puts a smile on our faces. Days when we don’t want to be seen, heard, listened to, but rather, left alone… Days that are often really difficult to survive…Yet, those are the days when we crave our loved one’s touch and embrace the most…
So, tell me. Is it really so hard to understand? Is it really so hard to be there for us?