I’ve lost myself while waiting for you to love me in a real way. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and I saw everything – the lost smile, the dark circles under my eyes, the smudged mascara on my face from crying… I saw the way I was destroying myself, yet somehow, I couldn’t let you go.
I was standing there, willing to put myself into more pain and agony in the hope that all the love I was giving you would be returned to me one day, not realizing that some of those wounds and heartbreak would be irreparable.
No, I am not blaming you. Not anymore. Now I know that you can’t make someone love you the way you want to be loved no matter how much you try.
That’s the reason why I stopped waiting for you. Honestly, there were memories that I had to let go of because of the pain they were causing me. Memories that were there to remind me how much in love I was with you, and how I failed terribly at making you mine.
More than anything, I realized that there is someone out there who will be just perfect for me. Someone with whom love won’t feel so painful. Someone who won’t play hot and cold with me. Someone who will love me and be there for me, not someone who will push me away, pull me back in and then push me away again.
I get it now. I was never the woman for you. And you weren’t the man for me. We weren’t meant to be. And it’s okay.
Now that I finally understand it, it doesn’t hurt anymore. I guess that’s the beauty of letting someone go and mean it.
And as soon as my hands were free from holding onto you, I was able to hold myself and reach for myself again. Even when I was shaking from all the pain that came from the breakup. I started to collect all the broken pieces of myself, little by little, and glue them back together.
And it felt so liberating. Finally, I had untied myself from you. And honestly, it feels good not waiting for someone’s empty words and empty promises to turn real.
I am a whole person. I don’t deserve to be loved with half a heart. No one does.
